Stories & Confessions

My family is all on my cousins side for this issue, and I wanted some outside judgement.

My cousin (25m) has always been the golden child of our generation. He’s funny, good looking, and out going, not to mention a boy amongst girls. He’s always loved to mess around and play pranks. For the record, I really dislike this cousin. I think he’s irresponsible, childish, and annoying.

I have had hearing problems for years. I recently got a $6,000 pair of hearing aides.

Recently at my grandmothers birthday party we were all eating and drinking on the back porch. My grandmother has a pool. My cousin decided he was going to throw me in the pool because it would be funny to ruin my hair that I just got done that day. I repeatedly told him to stop and put me down, in a very serious and not playful at all tone.

He threw me in the pool, and my hearing aides were ruined. Afterwords when I told him what happened he basically said whoops, didn’t know you had hearing aides now. When I told him the cost of them and that he would have to replace them he freaked out, and said no way.

My family didn’t want me to make him pay for them because i significantly out earn him and also everyone else in the family. He was in college at the time, barely making ends meet in a call center job. His girlfriend and him have a baby and they live in a one bedroom apartment.

He refused to pay, so I took him to court. I won. He refused to make the payments after, so I took him back to court and his wages are now being garnished for the maximum amount, which is 20% of his total wages. It pushed him over the edge of what he could afford, so he’s had to work extra and drop out of college to be able to pay their rent.

My family is absolutely fuming at me. I think he made one bad choice after the other, and he has never given a sincere apology during this whole ordeal. Had he gave a real apology after the incident and asked if he could wait till he finished school to pay me back I would’ve been fine with it. But the entitled little prick is digging his feet in at every move.

AITAH? The only reason I could see me maybe being the asshole is because it’s affecting his child and girlfriend.

My husband and I have 2 and 3 year old daughters. Our 3 year old is suspected to have autism and we're waiting on an evaluation, but we're all pretty sure she has it. Our 3 year old also has pink eye.

Last night at dinner, my husband promised the 3 year old that she can stay up late since she's not going to preschool today. I asked how late and he said 9. Bedtime is at 7:30. I told him I wasn't going to deal with that mess and if he wants to let her stay up that late he can be the one to get her to sleep.

I got the little one in bed and watched my husband play with her while I cleaned up. Tantrums started at 8 and she was miserable when he got her in the bath at 8:45. She was melting down in the bath, then in bed, and he eventually gave her the pacifier (we've been trying to wean her off) and brought her to our bed at 9:45. She finally fell asleep at 10 and my husband told me he's upset with me for leaving him to do everything by himself even when I knew they were having a hard time. I told him I wasn't the one that promised the autistic 3 year old that she can break from the routine and go to sleep an hour and a half past her bedtime but he still thinks I should've helped. AITA for not helping?

So, I'm a 35-year-old guy, and I’ve always been close with my older sister, Emily (38F), and her daughter, Lily (22F). Emily had Lily when she was young (16), and since she was a single mom for most of it, I’ve always tried to help out where I could. Over the years, I’ve paid for Lily’s summer camps, her college applications, and even her first car. I did this because I love them both and always wanted to support them.

A year ago, Lily got engaged to her long-term boyfriend. When they announced the engagement at a family dinner, I said I’d be happy to help with wedding expenses. I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently, my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding. It became clear when Lily and Emily started planning a big, extravagant affair—destination wedding, 200+ guests, you name it.

I sat them down and said I’d contribute $15,000, which I thought was a pretty generous amount. But they both seemed really upset. Lily said I “promised” to pay for the wedding, and Emily backed her up, saying I “always supported them” and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn’t happening. $15,000 was all I could give.

Now, here’s where things get worse. Lily and Emily stopped including me in the wedding planning entirely. I didn’t hear much from them for a while, and it turns out they booked everything for the wedding thinking I’d eventually cave and cover it. Now they’re in over their heads, and the wedding is just three months away. Emily called me, crying, saying they were going to lose deposits and that I “ruined” the wedding by not coming through. Lily isn’t speaking to me.

Here’s the kicker: Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family. They claim they never would’ve planned something so extravagant if I hadn’t promised to cover it all.

But I never said that. I said I’d help. I feel like I’ve done more than enough over the years, but now I’m being treated like the villain for not paying for this giant wedding.

AITA?

Years ago, I worked on a video production shoot for a company in northern New Jersey. The day went well, I did my job and nobody said anything to me otherwise. I happened to connect with another camera operator this day, and got his business card. I invoiced the company for the work I had done, and noticed after 30 days that it was still unpaid. Sent the invoice again via email, still did not get paid. Reached out to the company over the phone and they had the balls to tell me they were not paying me for the days work I had done because “I did not do a very good job.” This was obviously news to me as again, no one said anything to me the day of the shoot. Also, I did the work which means I get paid. Reached out to the other camera guy whose card I had gotten, and he told me they tried to pull the same thing with him. He sent a letter on a letterhead from a law firm and forced the issue and got paid. I followed suit and did eventually get paid. Now fast-forward a year or two and I get a phone call one day. It’s the same asshole who was refusing to pay me. He has me on speakerphone and is asking about the logistics of an upcoming shoot and blah blah blah. I said “let me stop you for a second. Is this X of X company?” Him: “uh yeah” Me: “You refused to pay me for a job I did 2 years ago and now have the audacity to assume I might work for you again? You’re wrong. I don’t work with unprofessionals like you” and hung up. So satisfying…hope everyone in the room heard that and that he felt like the dumbass that he is.

My wife lost her dad 9 months ago. We leaned a few days later she was pregnant. For a few weeks she had such a hard time coping with the fact she was expecting our first child after losing her dad, and the fact he would never get to meet his grandkids or live to be a living, breathing grandfather. She ended up seeking therapy because it was a struggle for her to get back on track. I was doing everything I could to support her.

In that time MIL was around a lot. My wife was their only child so MIL leaned on her and sought out the comfort of having family. They grew closer than ever before and slowly MIL started spending less time with us. But she'd still stop by and they wanted MIL to be there for a 3d/4d ultrasound my wife was booked in for. I was also there, of course.

On the day of MIL showed up with a man and introduced him as her boyfriend. She said she wanted to include him in such a special moment. My wife said he was not coming into the room with us and they argued before my wife told MIL to leave.

MIL and my wife fought more afterward because my wife didn't say hi or anything to MILs boyfriend. And because MIL felt my wife should have been more open to including him. Things became tense because my wife told MIL she couldn't be around him yet. MIL tried pushing and pushing but my wife held firm.

When my wife had our baby she let MIL know and MIL wanted her and the boyfriend to visit to meet *their* grandchild. My wife said she could come but he was not welcome. A week later, just this past weekend in fact, MIL dropped by to confront my wife over this. MIL told her she was being selfish and how her boyfriend is lovely and would be a wonderful grandfather and how she can't force them apart. My wife said that's fine. If she can't come without him then she'd just have to accept it. MIL said she doesn't have to. Just accept him and let our child have a grandfather. Accept having another older male presence in her life. My wife lost her temper and yelled at MIL that the boyfriend is not our child's grandfather, is not anything to her and nobody she dates will ever be able to fill those shoes. Then my wife left the room and went to cry. She wanted some space so I gave it to her and told MIL she needed to leave. MIL wouldn't leave at first and then she goes "I suppose you'll apologize for her now" and I just said no. Nothing else, just no. And then I was able to get her to leave. She made some kind of angry face at me and told me I didn't need to be so rude about saying no. That I didn't need to mock her.

AITA?

I 25F have been dating 27M for 3 years. When we first started dating, I told him within 4-5 years I would like to be married. I said I didn’t want to have kids and he agreed. He said he didn’t want the responsibility and I agreed.

2 weeks ago I brought up the conversation of getting engaged and I’m fine with a long engagement. 2 years of being engaged is not bad because we’re both financially stable and we want a pretty big wedding.

He said he was hesitant to propose because I didn’t want kids and he does now. I asked him how long did he think he wanted kids. He said for about a year or so and I asked him was it a deal breaker and he said it was.

So I told him that’s okay and I understand. He must have thought I meant I’ll have kids with him and he said “Great so I say within 2 years we get married and then we can talk about having a child” and I said “No, I don’t want kids at all” and he goes “you said it was okay” I said Yeah it’s okay you changed your mind, we Just don’t align with what we want for our future or a relationship” I told him that I would give him until next month to figure something out.

He got so upset and told me I can’t Just make him get out and I told him that I could because this is MY apartment and I am giving him time to figure something out. We were planning on buying a house together once we got engaged.

He got really irate and started calling me all types of names like selfish. I told him he was selfish to know that he wanted to have kids after I said it multiple times throughout our relationship I didn’t want kids and made it very clear and he’s selfish for holding onto it for a year and not tell me he was having second thoughts.

He said I was punishing him for wanting to have kids. I told him it was great that he wanted kids and I think he’d make a great dad …but you can’t have a kid with someone who doesn’t want kids so it’s silly to want to stay together when we differing views. He said I could change my mind in the future or we can go to therapy for “what I’m going through because it’s natural for a woman to want to have kids” I ended the conversation and told him I don’t want to be with him anymore.

It got around to our families and friends that we broke up and it’s sort of split by saying I already had 3 years in it, I could have adopted. I told them I didn’t want to be pregnant or adopt. I don’t want kids period. I of course got those “You clock is ticking and if you don’t do it now blah blah blah” or the “It’s natural to want to have kids and be a mother” I told them not for me.

He’s tried to talk to me a few times saying he could live without kids but Just as long as he had me… and I’m like… I don’t trust it. I’ve heard one too many stories about tampering with birth control pills and condoms and I Just won’t take that risk.

A lot of people have been telling me I was cold hearted by the way I wrote or acted. Trust me I am still heartbroken and will be for a while. I was with him for 3 years. I am on the spectrum and it may like I’m coming off like I don’t care but that is not the case. This was already a mile long I just gave the biggest points to what happened. I could have wrote how I was crying for the hours we were arguing or that I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of work to cry. Also THE LEASE IS UP NEXT MONTH. It wasn’t a “oh you have to leave because I want, it’s Just he has a month to leave and so do I” we had a place lined up (my name is on it) it Just so happened to end that way… if he wants to stay he can but… it won’t be my apartment anymore lol

I'm (22f) not that close with my uncle. He's my mom's brother and they're close but he and I never were. My uncle has four kids. Two "sets" of kids from two marriages to be accurate. His older kids (Evan and Sasha) are a little bit older than me but we were very close growing up and remain close. Their mom died and my uncle remarried and has two more kids who are 11 and 9 (Hannah and Caleb).

Evan and Sasha don't talk to my uncle anymore and they don't talk to or see Hannah and Caleb or my uncles wife/Hannah and Caleb's mom.

Sasha started streaming video games about a year ago. She started getting noticed more recently and kids at Hannah and Caleb's school were talking about Sasha which led to them seeing a video and realizing who the kids were talking about. They watched some of her streams and during a couple of them Sasha had been asked about siblings and Evan was in her stream chat and she told people she had an older brother and shouted out Evan. Both times she was saying it as though Evan was her only sibling.

This upset Hannah and Caleb and they told my uncle and they cried about it to their parents. My uncle tried to contact Sasha but she changed her number so he couldn't. Then he approached me mad, like really mad and he told me I need to fix this and get Sasha and Evan to stop acting this way. He said it's beyond cruel to ignore the fact they have two younger siblings, siblings who miss them, and then to go public like that and only say they have one sibling. He said since they stayed close to me I can fix it.

I asked him what the hell he expects me to do. He told me it should be obvious what I need to say but clearly not when I have a bratty attitude at my big age (his words). He told me I clearly don't want to and have no problem with what they're doing so I'll just disrespect him.

AITA?

My gf (20F) informed me that the gentleman’s club near us is hiring and that she wants to work there for a period of time in order to pay off her student debt. I told her that if she goes through with it, then I can’t be with her anymore. I am not comfortable with her getting naked in front of a public audience. I know it’s her body her choice but that doesn’t mean I have to be ok with it

Throw away of course.

About six months ago I noticed an undershirt folded up in my dresser drawer. The weird thing was that the label wasn’t from any of the brands that I have, and there was only one of that kind. I tried it on, and it clearly didn’t fit me.

I assumed that it was an old shirt of mine that somehow got brought out of storage, and tossed it.

Two months later, I find a pair of men’s jeans, clearly not my size, folded on the top of the dresser. This was after I was at a conference for a few days. The conference was in my town, but I was gone from 6am-11pm pretty much every day. I asked my wife about it and family who had visited recently. Nobody had any idea where they came from. I started to suspect something was up, but decided that it was in the best interest of my relationship to just ask once and then trust my wife’s response. I tossed the jeans and moved on.

This morning, I found a men’s polo shirt hanging in my closet. Not my size, and is has brand from a store that I don’t shop at, and haven’t even stepped foot into for nearly a decade. This, only days after I returned from an out of town work trip. I confronted my wife demanding answers. She claims that she knows nothing.

I started by asking her why she thinks I’m upset. She jumped straight to “you think I’m cheating”.

I asked her to put herself in my shoes and try to explain how else I could interpret this pattern (me being gone, men’s clothing showing up in my house). She never answered the question.

We went back and forth (never screaming or throwing things) for about an hour, with the shirt lying on the table between us. I kept saying that “I don’t know, is not an acceptable answer” - she ended with “or what?”

I said that I needed answers one more time and got straight up from the table and left to go back to work.

Historically, I do trust her. But I can see how easily lies come out of her mouth when speaking to her family, over seemingly small things. She grew up in an overbearing household and she knows how to cover her tracks. During the conversation I asked if I could go through her cell phone - something I have NEVER done before or even tried to do. Of course nothing of note.

SOMETHING is happening. The pattern is clear to me.

Am I over reacting? How should I proceed?

I turned 18 this year. I was 11 or 12 when I stopped seeing my grandparents and looking back on it, they stopped coming around when my dad got remarried. I had a very good relationship with them before my dad got remarried. I thought they just didn’t care anymore until they contacted me after my birthday.

They asked me to met up with them and talk. I was hesitant but I wanted answers. They informed me that they were cut off by my parents and couldn’t contact me. That around the time they were getting married a huge fight happened. It boiled down to my parents wanting them to accept my stepsister (16 right now) as their grandkid. My grandparents told them no and huge fight. They banned them from contacting me.

They informed me that they have been saving up money for me and want to get to know me again. I have been meeting them since.

I am in college and I plan on using the money instead of talking on any more debt. I also have been going to a community college and will transfer to a better school. I informed my parents that I am looking to transfer and they brought up I will go into debt. I informed them of the money I got from my grandparents This caused a huge fight and they are pissed that I would take money from them.

I am pissed that they ruined my relationship with them especially since my sister doesn’t even see us as family. She doesn’t call my dad, dad but would ruin my relationship with my nana and papa.

They think I am being a brat.

First of all, I want to thank everyone for your comments and support. I was not expecting such a huge response, and I was really overwhelmed by how many of you took the time to share your thoughts. I have been reading through everything, and I appreciate all the advice.

So here is the update: after the dinner, things were awkward between my boyfriend and me for a few days. We barely talked, but I knew I could not just let it go. I sat him down and told him how much his comment about my cooking, especially comparing it to his mom’s, hurt me. I love cooking and I put a lot of effort into it, so hearing him constantly bring up his mom’s lasagna felt like he was saying mine was not good enough.

He seemed genuinely surprised and said he did not realize how much it bothered me. He thought he was just teasing and that I knew he was not serious. I explained that while I can take jokes, this felt different because it happened in front of his family and made me feel really small. He apologized right away and said he would stop making those comparisons. I could tell he was truly sorry, which made me feel better.

As for his family, I did apologize for walking out, and they were actually really understanding. His mom even mentioned she would love to try my lasagna sometime with no comparisons, which was really kind of her.

Things have been better since then. My boyfriend has been more thoughtful about how he talks about my cooking, and I feel like we have both learned something from this. It is not perfect, but I feel hopeful about where things are going.

Thank you all again for the support and advice. It gave me the confidence to speak up, and I am so grateful for that.

Back in the mid 90s when I attended college parking permits were required for all cars to park at my school. The stated requirement was that the permit had to be attached to the windshield with its own backing (the permit had an adhesive backing to use when affixing to the windshield). Taping the permit to the windshield was explicitly not allowed. When I got my permit I took some clear plastic wrap and wrapped it around the middle of the permit, leaving just a sliver of the permit’s sticky backing at the top and bottom of the permit. I then attached the permit to the windshield of my car. Later I got a parking ticket from my university for taping my parking permit to the windshield of my windshield. Of course, I appealed the ticket. When I went to the window to explain how I creatively attached the permit, the clerk said “that’s not what we meant.” I replied, “I don’t care about what you meant. I care about what was written. The permit is attached to the windshield with it’s own backing.” Surprisingly, the ticket was dropped and I never had another issue.

A few years back, I had this neighbor who, let’s just say, was a fan of “day drinking” – and by that, I mean he was on a first-name basis with every adult beverage in the fridge. After a few too many, he’d hop in his car and proceed to leave it in creative parking spots. You name it: someone else’s driveway, halfway into their lawn, or my personal favorite, the middle of the street like a personal barricade.

One fateful day, I roll home to find his car gloriously blocking my driveway as if it had been abandoned mid-thought. Now, I’d called the police on him before and had it towed, but the guy was like a boozy boomerang — it never phased him. So I figured it was time to take matters into my own hands. The next best option? I jacked up his car, popped it on dollies, and rolled it back to his driveway like some weird neighborhood valet service. But I wasn’t done.

Before I moved it, I did some “precision engineering.” With some scrap 2x4s and black paint, I fashioned myself a couple of low-budget car lifts. After retrieving my dollies from under his now-re-homed car, I slid those blackened 2x4s under the rear axle, right where they’d sit juuuuust a smidge too high — leaving the rear tires hovering about an eighth of an inch off the ground.

And then, I waited.

It took him a solid week to figure out why his car wasn’t moving. At first, he probably thought the universe was punishing him for his parking crimes. He’d rev the engine, get out, scratch his head, and then give it another go. Meanwhile, I enjoyed the show from the comfort of my living room.

I moved shortly after. But I like to think, to this day, he still wonders what kind of magic curse got placed on his car.

So a bit of context here, my(19F) fiancé Nick(26M) proposed a few weeks ago and we first started dating last year. Our relationship is still in it's early stages and I feel like i don't fully know Nick yet. Over the past weekend I found out about his opinion on cheating and it completely caught me off guard so i called off our engagement.

We were out clubbing with some friends then we ran into his old friends from high school so they joined our group. Everyone was drinking a lot so afterwards we all decided to go afterparty at one of Nick's friends house. Well once we got there all the men started getting super rowdy, then i overheard Nick and someone talk about how it's normal for men to cheat and as long as they go back home to their main girl it's okay. According to nick guys can separate sex from love and not get attached to the girl he cheats with...

Keep in mind im not usually a jealous girl but this threw me off. we've had so many threesomes together and i let him fuck pretty much all my friends, even after all that he still says this shit. He also took my virginity at 18.

He caught me staring at him like he knew i heard the entire conversation, i could tell he felt a bit guilty when he saw me hear that. I stormed off and went outside without saying a word.

I got an uber home that was thankfully 2 minutes away so i left before he found me. I texted him saying the engagement is off and turned off my phone for the night. When i woke up i saw dozens of texts and voicemails from him, he apologized and said he didn't actually mean those things and it was "locker room talk".

Now im wondering if i overreacted and it was all just a joke. But at the same time i want a guy that's actually loyal... personally i think im a great girlfriend. I have a low bodycount, im loyal, ill have threesomes and let him fuck my friends, apparently im also really good at giving head! but i've only sucked 1 dick so far so idkkk.

If any other guys are interested in talking please tell mee! i wanna weigh out my options before i make a decision. But please be a bit older than me, guys my age aren't serious and i want a real man...

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible I 24F and my fiance 25M had a rather large disagreement this morning. While I was brushing my teeth and using the bathroom my fiance placed our daughter to watch her show in her high chair and then just proceeded to watch tik toks for the next approx 10-15 minutes straight while my daughter waited. I finally came out and saw this and asked why he hadn’t made any breakfast for her yet… he proceeds to say “I was waiting to ask you what to make for her” (note: she is one and eats scrambled eggs on daycare days like today) I said that’s a lie you know what she eats by now. Anyways this comment sparked a disagreement between us because I vented about his lack of assistance in helping to get her or any of her belongings ready to go in the morning. His solution after getting frustrated with me was to tell me I need to “make him a list of what I would like him to do for her” and I refused as I said I don’t want to mother him as well and as her parent he should know what needs to be done (diaper changes, outfit, teeth brushing, daycare bottles cleaned and filled up, etc.) I tried explaining that as her mom no one ever gives me a “list” I simply look around or think about what needs to be done. So I guess my question is aita for refusing to make the list?

Hey Reddit, I’m in a real bind and I need some outside perspective. This is going to be a bit long, so bear with me.

I (28F) am getting married in a few months to my wonderful fiancé, Ethan (30M). We’ve been together for six years, and I’m honestly over the moon about marrying him. We’ve been planning this wedding for the last year, and it’s going to be a pretty intimate gathering, with only close friends and family invited.

Now, here’s where things get complicated. I have a sister, Carly (26F). Carly has always been… a lot. She’s outgoing, charismatic, and tends to be the life of the party, but she also has a habit of making everything about herself. I love her, but it’s exhausting sometimes. Growing up, I was always the more introverted, quiet one, and I feel like Carly’s bigger personality often overshadowed me. She never seemed to realize (or care) that sometimes, I just wanted my own space to shine.

Fast forward to last year, when Ethan proposed. I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to share the news with my family. When I told Carly, she seemed happy for me at first. But within a week of the proposal, she announced that she was going to start trying for a baby with her husband, Mark (29M). I didn’t think much of it at the time, because I figured it was just a coincidence that she wanted to start a family around the same time I was planning my wedding. But then, over the next few months, every conversation we had became about Carly’s baby journey—what ovulation tests she was using, how her doctor appointments were going, and what baby names she liked. Suddenly, my wedding didn’t seem as important in comparison to her potential pregnancy.

Then, about three months ago, Carly announced that she was pregnant. Again, I was thrilled for her! I love the idea of becoming an aunt. But what started as excitement quickly turned into frustration. Carly began monopolizing every family event with baby talk. When we went dress shopping for my wedding, she kept talking about how she hoped she wouldn’t be “too big” to fit into her bridesmaid dress. At my bridal shower, she kept bringing up baby shower ideas. At one point, she even suggested we combine our events into one big “celebration of love and life.” I laughed it off at the time, but inside, I was fuming. This was supposed to be my moment, but somehow, Carly always found a way to steal the spotlight.

Things reached a boiling point last week when we had a family dinner to finalize some wedding details. Carly, of course, was there, and once again, the conversation shifted to her pregnancy. She started talking about how she and Mark were thinking about having a gender reveal party… on the same weekend as my wedding. She said it would be “so fun” because all the family would already be gathered, and it would be a “two-for-one” event.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My wedding weekend, which I had spent months planning and saving for, was now being hijacked for Carly’s gender reveal? I tried to politely tell her that I didn’t think that was a good idea, and that the weekend was supposed to be about celebrating my marriage, not her baby. But she just laughed and said, “Oh come on, it’ll be fun! We’ll be celebrating both of us!”

At that point, I snapped. I told her, in front of the whole family, that I was tired of her making everything about herself, and that my wedding day was supposed to be about me and Ethan, not her and her pregnancy. I said that if she couldn’t respect that, she didn’t need to come to the wedding at all.

Carly started crying, saying I was being selfish and that I was “overreacting” because I was jealous of her pregnancy. She stormed out of the dinner, and now half my family is mad at me for “making Carly feel bad” when she’s pregnant and “emotional.” Even my mom called me later to say that I should have handled it differently and that Carly didn’t mean any harm—she’s just excited about her baby.

Ethan is 100% on my side and thinks Carly was being selfish, but I’m starting to second-guess myself. I know pregnancy hormones can make people act differently, and maybe I was too harsh. But at the same time, I feel like Carly has been making my wedding planning process so stressful, and I’m tired of feeling like I always come second to her.

So Reddit, AITA for not wanting my sister at my wedding after she made it all about herself? Or am I overreacting and being too harsh on her?

Hi everyone. I'm in a bit of a spot now, and would like to know whether what i told her made me an ah or not. Burner for the sensitive nature.

So me and my gf had a pretty solid relationship for the last 6 months. We're pretty compatible in bed, and i have no complaints. She is a vanilla person, and i, well I'm a bit into anal kink.

I finally mustered up the courage to tell her about them yesterday. We snuggled into bed, and i broached the topic about kinks. She said she was willing to try if it wasn't anything extreme. I told her i like anal play, rimming and mild busting, and she immediately recoiled. I told her I'd totally understand if she avoided rimming. However, she said it's disgusting, pervy and 'gay' to like that, as if being gay is wrong. Looking at me, you'd never guess I'm into these stuff. Hearing her say these stuff made me feel really quesy and uncomfortable. Needless to say the mood was ruined.

She then proceeded to sleep on the couch. Today morning, she was cold and didn't allow me to touch her, just saying she needed to think about what i said yesterday.

Aitah? Am i disgusting or pervy?

Edit: She called and said she wants to talk. I'm at work rn, and I'll be home in a few hours. I'll let you guys know what happens. Also, feel free to drop some suggestions on how and what i should say to her. Thank you all for your support.

Edit 2: I've removed the part about my height and weight. I felt it was necessary for context because gf said men like 'me' don't like these stuff. Sorry for offending anyone, i thought it'd be relevant. I know I'm average :)

Edit 3: Oh fuck it i have another confession. I don't know why i didn't write this in the original, maybe because I was actually too ashamed to write it even in a throwaway account but here it goes anyway: I also told her i like nipple stimulation, and her first reaction was to raise an eyebrow and ask me whether i was a man, a gay man or a woman trapped in the body of a man. Sorry for withholding this. Y'all can laugh now.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is posting in

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- 22nd September 2024

Husband wants to divorce and "start over," says he "can't bond" with our daughter

Throwaway because I want to fix this and I'm paranoid about more people in our lives finding out. Its all so fucked up already...I don't want more stress.

My husband (29M) and I (30NB) have been married for 5 years. I gave birth to our first child in September, a girl. My husband was present for most of my labor but things went very pear-shaped and I had to have an emergency C-Section. The doctors told him to leave the room and wait outside.

In short, he did not see our daughter be born.

A week ago he informed me that he wants to divorce and "start over on his dreams of having a family." He insists that he "cannot bond" with our daughter and says its because he didn't see her being born. He said a lot about how its always been a dream of his to have a "small, close knit family" and now he can't have that with me because of the C-Section and his not being in the room.

His dad suggested therapy but Husband refused saying "he knew it wouldn't work." I've made sure he knows I'm open to the idea if he changes his mind but he's been very insistent that he "knows this can't be fixed."

Part of me knows I'm basically asking for a magic spell here but does anyone have any ideas how/if this can be fixed? I'll try to answer any questions anyone may have.

Comments

girlnononono

He's just using this as an excuse to leave you.

Here_for_tea_

Yes, I’m sorry OP.

He has decided to leave but is making a horrible excuse.

lordnacho666

Yeah, holy cow. Better to not make a ridiculous excuse than this.

There are guys who would be a father to that kid, who aren't even the bio father.

This guy, it's just disgusting.

I wonder if he's talked to a friend who has rubber stamped it, it just sounds stupid.

Heavenly_Spike_Man

This is the lamest thing I’ve ever read And I would say he needs to start therapy immediately, but I suspect he is making this story up to mask his real feelings… he is scared and doesn’t want to be a dad, he is making up this “perfect family” dream thing, either subconsciously or consciously. Seeing a birth is not what creates bonding.

OOP on being NB

I realized in my late teens and he's known since before we started dating. We went to the same college and met in a shared class, and were friends for about a year before anything romantic developed. He was much more active with her before announcing his desire to "start over." Now he doesn't do much with her beyond basic "babysitting" stuff when I'm at work.

SkipAd54321

How will divorcing you and then getting remarried help him bond with his daughter? Seems like the wrong fix to the problem. But there is a problem for sure so don’t let others just tell you he’s a POS and you’re better without him

OOP: I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. He wants to divorce me so he can find a new wife and start over. He insists he can't have his dream family with me because of our daughter and the lack of a bond.

Update - 15 days later

Several people suggested asking him to come with me to a therapist so I can get help understanding why he's leaving. He agreed and our appointment was yesterday.

It didn't go...badly? But it didn't go well either. He was very upfront with the therapist. He didn't try to mince words or refuse to answer questions. He told the man (paraphrasing) "They got to bond the entire pregnancy. That baby is made of their body. I can't compare to that. My work started at birth and I wasn't there so I don't feel like I ever got 'hired,' if that makes sense?"

Yeah, he compared it to not having an employment contract. I get the metaphor, I guess, but I'm not sure how it translates to him not being able to bond.

Several people made transphobic comments and several other people asked if maybe my lack-of-gender was an issue. I assumed no because Husband had known that I'm non-binary since before we started dating but I did bring it up while we were with the therapist. Husband insists that no, it has nothing to do with anything. He didn't care about what I am but "how I did."

The therapist was very focused on trying to help me understand and I appreciate that. No complaints with him. I'm still completely in the dark, though, and Husband has started talking about choosing a lawyer. He says he wants a "clean break" before Daughter gets too attached.

TLDR2: Situation is still fucked. I'm leaning towards letting him just go and focusing on me+Daughter.

Comments

SlipperyTom

He says he wants a "clean break" before Daughter gets too attached.

I can't bond with my daughter so I want a clean break before she bonds too much with me. Are you sure your husband is all there? Has he had some sort of mental break or something? This literally makes no sense to me at all.

EllectraHeart

he wants to leave OP and is using the child as an excuse. his reasoning and explanations are nonsensical.

eta: OP thinks he was being forthcoming and clear/consistent with the therapist. I see his concise answers as a sign of him being rehearsed. in other words, he worked on his cover up/alibi story, which is why it’s so easy for him to regurgitate it over and over. either he didn’t realize how hard being a parent would be and wants to opt out, or he wants to leave OP and blaming the baby is convenient. OP had a traumatic birth and somehow the victim in the entire situation is the dad ?! not the person who was cut open?? or the baby that was yanked out?? the dad.

MarmaladeMoostache

Yeah it sounds like he already has plans to move on especially mentioning how he wants to be able to go have his “close knit family”. Probably has some woman waiting for him that he’s going to end up doing the same thing to once she has a child.

EjjabaMarie

So I hope child support is involved here. He doesn’t just get to claim no bonding and get his “clean break”. I’d also like to see how he gets another partner to seriously consider him after they find out how he treated you and your child. ETA: correction.

OOP: I have no intention of letting him off the support hook.His dad knows (his mother passed away about a decade ago.) FIL isn't too keen on Husband's reasoning. I haven't told my family yet.FIL is firmly on my side. I made Husband tell FIL all this mess when he first told me. FIL also tried to push Husband for therapy but Husband says "it can't be fixed."

Likely final update: Husband wants to divorce/"start over," he "can't bond" with daughter - 1 month later

This is probably going to be long and it isn't a happy update.

My other posts can be seen in my post history but the short of it is that I (30NB) gave birth to my daughter in September. My STBX husband (29M) did not see her birth; things went very badly and I needed emergency intervention. He was not in the room for the C-Section. About a month and a half ago he informed me that he "cannot bond with her because he did not see her be born" and he "wants to divorce so he can start over on his dreams of a close-knit family."

We have filed. I have taken Daughter and moved back in with my parents, who aren't very happy about the divorce but are thrilled to "have the chance to nanny" Daughter (their words, not mine!)

Life was in stasis for about a week after my last post until FIL asked us to come over for dinner. He informed me that STBX had asked for his help paying for a lawyer. He had agreed with the requirement that we all sit down and have one last talk about the situation. He opened with saying that he thinks that "getting this over with" would be best for me and Daughter (STBX looked a little hurt at this) so he's willing to help but he wanted to take one last shot at fixing it. The one last shot ended up being several hours of talking.

FIL bluntly demanded that STBX explain his reasoning. STBX repeated the can't bond thing, FIL asked why. The "employment contract" analogy was brought up again. After much back, forth, what do you mean by this, why that...FIL just said "I'm not buying this. What's the real reason, STBX?"

STBX insisted til the end that what he'd been saying all along was his reasoning. He did not see Daughter be born so he can't bond. He tried, he insisted. The connection isn't there. He was supposed to connect when Daughter was born, there "was supposed to be a spark of connection between them" but that spark can only happen right at birth I guess? In his mind he can't get it now.

FIL asked if STBX thought Daughter wasn't his. STBX insists he has no doubts he is Daughter's biological father.

FIL asked if STBX was seeing someone else. Was there a woman or another pregnancy somewhere? STBX did not react well to this. He threw his phone down on the table and said that we were free to search it; he's not a scumbag.

After that the conversation turned to post-divorce life. STBX offered up that he'd been running the numbers and would volunteer 50/month alimony and 50/month in child support. He doesn't have to do either, mind, because we're divorcing and he wants to cut all ties with the kid, but he wants to be fair.

$50 in alimony? Whatever, I have a job and a roof over our heads. I don't need it. $50 dollars in child support? That is a lot less whatever. But I'm refusing to stress about it. The court will handle CS amounts. I'm making myself not be angry and let them deal with it.

I admit I tuned out most of the rest of FIL's attempt to talk sense into his son after that comment. I think that was when the coffin finally nailed itself shut. I started packing when we got home and went to my parents' house the next day. I'm no longer talking to STBX, his lawyer talks to mine. We haven't spoken in almost 3 weeks. I don't think I need to tell you that he hasn't shown any concern for Daughter but here I am anyway.

The day after I got there my sister kidnapped me to her place. We got very drunk (Daughter was with parents, not us!) talked about everything and I screamed a lot. I got most of it out of my system. After that we had more drinks and watched terrible horror movies. I woke up the next day with the headache from hell but otherwise feeling better than I had in a long time.

My job can't transfer me, just my luck, but I've been promised a glowing reference and I'm cashing out what little paid leave I have left to add to my savings. FIL asked after the failed conversation if I would be cutting him off. I assured him that he might not see us as much because of how far away my parents live and not knowing where I'll end up but he's not getting rid of me or Daughter that easily. He was very happy to hear that.

So that's where I am. Papers have been filed, Daughter and I have moved out of the house, I'm doing my best to ignore STBX's existence. Thank you all again for listening to me cry and complain over the past couple months.

Comments

Dazzling_Suspect_239

Oh my GOD what a toolbox. I'm so sorry you're going through this! Also hard lol to "I don't HAVE to do anything because I'm divorcing you and cutting ties with my child, but out of the goodness of my heart I'll give you $50 a month." I know you can support yourself and your child on your own, but your child deserves every penny the courts award. You are 100% correct to let the lawyers handle this from here, and tell'em to get everything they can.

cocoadeluna

Yeah, this guy is going to be in for a shock when family court tells him child support isn’t reduced just because you really don’t feel like being a dad anymore. Then again, might be best to have him sign away rights entirely so he can’t come slinking back at some point.

Mannings4head

"Excuse me judge but I did not see the child actually come out of the uterus so I expect a discount on my child support."

I am sure that will work well for him.

Few_Explanation3047

I still think your husband needs some medical testing. Maybe he has an undiagnosed brain tumor or something making him act crazy

7 month update: Husband wants to divorce and start over, "can't bond" with baby Update

I promised an update once things were over (and at this point they're mostly over) so here I am! My story can be seen in my post history but the short of it is that my (31NB) exhusband (29M) did not see my daughter's birth and decided that because he wasn't there he "couldn't bond," so he and I are divorcing and he's going to "start over."

Daughter turned 1 this month. She landed on "nod" as her first word. I suspect this is because FIL brought home a foster-to-adopt dog a few months back whose previous owners called her "Nod" or "Nodder." Daughter loves the heck out of this dog, you guys. FIL sends me pictures of her every day to show to Daughter.

Exhusband and I are just waiting on some final paper work for the divorce to be complete. He has not contested anything. He did look the judge in the face and repeat the whole "didn't see birth, can't bond" thing. His lawyer did try and defend that claim. He presented studies that he claimed said things about damages to bonds when fathers weren't present and actively involved for everything but exhusband was? He was there and active and involved my entire pregnancy, and was present for my entire labor until things went wrong. It wasn't a case of "ooooh hey you knocked someone up 5 years ago, now bond with this kid." Daughter was definitely less than an hour old when he held her for the first time, probably less than half an hour. And I had proof for this claim too, among other things I had pictures of the two of us at multiple pre-natal appointments. FIL was also willing to file a statement talking about how Ex and he were involved in my pregnancy.

Needless to say, the judge was not impressed with my ex's lawyer's arguments. He tried to push my ex for therapy, made comments about how Ex would regret this later. Ex stood stubborn with his "I need to start over" line. He has visitation per the paperwork. Care to guess if he's used it?

He does also have to pay child support. If you've read my post history you might remember that he offered me a gigantic 50 dollars a month. That's all he's been paying despite the judge ordering a lot more so that's a fight I'm going to have to steel myself for. I'm surprised he started scanting out before the divorce was even final but he did tell me and FIL that he's not a scumbag so in his mind he's probably just keeping true to his word or something.

He's shown no interest in Daughter. No other children, pregnancies or potential partners have popped up either. As best FIL can tell, Ex is single and not showing any interest in dating yet.

I don't know how I feel, really. It would make more sense if he was cheating. It would be easier to have something solid to point to, go "fuck you into a tornado for making my life fall apart" and then try to move on. But all lived evidence points to him honestly thinking he has to do this.

I'm in therapy. I've found a place about middle of my parents and FIL, and I'm still doing freelance work. I would rate myself "okay." Daughter is happy, healthy and kicking off. She will be fine. I plan to never speak to Ex again once this paperwork is done. I just have to wait to be able to totally start over myself.

Comments

Garp5248

I remember your post. I hope your husband pays child support. What happened to you is terrible and shocking but hopefully in ten years you'll look back on this and think thank goodness that happened because you wouldn't have the full life you do without it.

TheLyz

Eventually they'll just take it out of his paycheck whether he wants them too or not. All his tax returns will be hers, too.

CW-Eight

This sucks, I’m sorry. But honestly I think you are lucky - there is something bizarrely wrong with him, and this is a better time than later to discover this.

Difficult_Affect_452

Hmm you know what. This sounds like a late onset mental illness incident. Like some form of dissociation or derealization. I am so, so sorry. Brutal. But honestly, you’re going to get through this and not have to spend the next 15 years trying to work on this with him.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

My mom got married 2.5 years ago when I (17f) was 14. She knew her husband for almost 3 years before marrying him and I met him and his kids two months before they got married. From the time they moved in with us (day before they got married) my mom has changed and has neglected to give me 1:1 time. Whenever we plan anything now she brings her stepkids (10, 8 and 7). She's always trying to force me to join her and them for grocery shopping or "fun shopping dates". We already have time we spend all together; family dinners at the table each night, family movie nights, family days out. But she insists on including them even when I have asked or told her I wanted it to be just us. Sometimes she'll agree to it being just us and then gets them ready to come with us and acts like it's oh so great and exciting.

I have tried three different times to advocate for us to have 1:1 time. She'll take her stepkids out just them. They get 1:1 time with their dad and 3:1 time as their sibling group. But I can't get the 1:1 time with my mom. I pointed this out and she told me how much they love spending time with us and how they want to spend more time with me because they look up to me. I asked her about what I want and what I'd love. She told me I can't say I don't enjoy the time we spend with them and I said I can say that because it's true. I said occasionally is fine. But all the time? I told her she was making me not want to be around them at all. It feels like they intruded on our relationship and she makes me feel like they're her priority. None of this made a difference to anything.

I turned 17 three weeks ago and my mom "surprised me" by bringing them along to what used to be a mom and daughter ice cream birthday treat, and we had this from the time I was 2 and my dad was alive and we continued after he died until Covid. I showed up and saw they were there and I walked out, which upset my mom and I refused to tell her why I walked. I left her to figure it out. So then last week she told me she realized I was serious about feeling like they were intruding so she wanted to make it up to me another try at our ice cream tradition. Because she came to me I decided I would give her a chance to do better. But when we were ready to leave she called the kids to come join us. I told her to forget it and mom said no. I told her she doesn't get to say no. That I am sick and tired of her including them in everything. That I am sick of her prioritizing their feelings and their wants over mine. I told her I am done. That she doesn't need to try including me anymore. And I'm not going to let her ruin more of my time with this shit. Her stepkids heard everything. I heard them ask my mom questions when I went up to my room. Afterward mom told me she and her husband was disgusted I would do that in front of them.

AITA?

I’ve always been the “go-to” person for my sister when she needs help with her kids. She’s a single mom, and I get that she’s overwhelmed sometimes, so I try to step in whenever I can. I’ve babysat her two kids countless times, even rearranged my plans to accommodate her last-minute requests.

Recently, I had an emergency come up — I was sick and needed someone to drive me to the hospital. I called my sister, fully expecting that she’d help me like I’ve helped her so many times before. But she said she was too tired from work and couldn’t make it. I ended up calling another friend to help me, but I was pretty hurt that she wouldn’t step up when I really needed her.

Fast forward to this week, she asked me to watch her kids again. I said no, and told her I’m tired of always being the one to help when she couldn’t even be there for me during a real emergency. She got really mad and accused me of being selfish, saying I don’t understand how hard it is to be a single mom.

Now she’s barely speaking to me, and I’m wondering if I was too harsh. AITAH?

So my younger brother (19M) moved in with me (22F) a few months ago after dropping out of college. He spends all day gaming and scrolling through social media while I’m busting my ass at work. I come home to a messy apartment and him still in his pajamas.

I’ve tried talking to him about maybe getting a job or doing something productive, but he always says he’s “taking a break” or “figuring things out”. Yesterday, I came home after a 10 hour shift to find the sink overflowing with dirty dishes, trash everywhere, and him yelling at his game because he lost a match. I asked if he could at least help keep the place clean, and he snapped that it’s “not a big deal”.

That’s when I kind of lost it. I told him he’s wasting his life, that time’s flying by, and he’s gonna regret it if he doesn’t start doing something now. I might’ve said he’s being a freeloading bum and needs to grow up.

He got super defensive and said I’m being harsh and don’t understand what he’s going through. Now things are awkward at home, and I’m wondering if I was too hard on him.

AITA for pushing him like that?

Edit: I spoke with my brother, and he told me it frustrated him because he feels like he’s not able to accomplish anything, and it’s really affected his self esteem, which is why he’s always staying inside. I also showed him that calculator someone mentioned, and he was pretty shocked seeing the long term numbers laid out in front of him. It seems like he does want to change for the better but has been feeling overwhelmed lately. Thanks for the genuine comments offering suggestions.

My (18F) sister (33F) is currently 3 months into her pregnancy. She was very secretive about the entire thing and didn’t tell anybody in her life about it until a few weeks ago. Last week, my sister got the results for her baby’s gender in the mail. She told my mother about receiving the results and how she hadn’t opened it yet and my mother began to flood her with questions about if she was going to do a gender reveal party, if she could help out with the gender reveal party, how she should come to our house to talk about the baby, etc. My sister brushed a lot of it off by saying she simply didn’t know what she wanted to do yet.

Well, this week, my sister added everyone in our immediate family to a WhatsApp group chat. She said nothing, just sent a video of her and her fiancé popping small party poppers as a gender reveal celebration. There was no crowd— no friends, no family— just them and a cameraman to document the entire thing. They had decided on doing a private gender reveal just for the two of them.

My mom was absolutely livid upon seeing the video. She instantly stormed downstairs to talk (see: yell) to my father about how my sister was a snake who didn’t see the value in family, how she couldn’t believe that her own daughter would betray her like this, how she was a horrible role model to her younger siblings, etc. My dad echoed her sentiments. They are furious that my sister decided that she wanted a private moment to celebrate HER pregnancy that didn’t involve anybody else except HERSELF. They called her selfish for it. They said she was going down the wrong path with this pregnancy all because she didn’t want the moment to be about anybody other than herself. They sent her a very long, nasty message about how they felt about her gender reveal celebration not involving them.

Now, this is where I may be the asshole, but I truly do not see the issue with any of my sister’s actions. She has had a pretty tough relationship with my parents in recent years due to them wanting to exert a lot of control over her when she was well into her twenties, and her relationship with our mother is EXTRA strained because she feels our mother is a very self-centered, egotistical, manipulative woman that can’t handle criticism well. I can completely understand why my sister feels the way she does and why she wanted a private gender reveal party. I sympathize with her wanting to keep it between her and her fiancé, and I let her know that.

I’m super lost on how to feel about everything. I don’t want my sister to feel like everyone in our family is against her because of how harsh my family is being, but at the same time, I’m still young and don’t know everything. I don’t know if my parents are justified in feeling the way they do, but I don’t think it’s wrong for my sister to want to go about her pregnancy privately. So, AITA?

It wasn't exactly yesterday but here it goes.

I'm out being social with my girls and I spy a group of guys eyeing us. They are not discrete and you can tell the fellas that pick on in that group and the ones who think they're all that. One man quietly cane over to us she starting chatting and bought one of the girls a drink. After some time he went back to the group and we could see the tongue lashing he got from the self perceived alpha..

A. Proceeds to watch us go to the dance floor and then gives (this is how you do it) jesters.

As he approaches me, doing the most vulger moves, to dance I stop completely and look down "Are you wearing socks with sandals" and without a word our whole group walks off the dance floor and ask the 1st gentlemen to join us at another location.

The look on his and his buddies faces were priceless.

Cross post.

I ( F,27) have been in a relationship with my fiancé( M, 41) for the last 5 years. I’m currently pregnant with our first baby ( due March 2025). We were invited to one of my finance’s friend wedding on the weekend. It was a beautiful wedding and everyone was having fun. All the guests at our table were my fiancé’s friends and their SO. For obvious reason, I was the only sober one and everyone else was drinking. The others guys at our table started joking about that old joke that their poor friend ( the groom) will never receive an oral. Suddenly my drunk fiancé interrupted them and said well it won’t happen to him because in our house it’s on command and she is not allowed to say no. His drunk friends high fived him. I was mortified and other women gave me a weird look. He went on and on that you gotta set the expectations before getting serious and she knows her job! Even when the baby comes she knows her job or I’ll show her the door ! It was so gross! He kept going on and on about “sure! Her body needs time to recover after birth but her mouth can pull the weight meanwhile “! At this point his friends started joking even more. I left the table and got an uber and went home. My drunk fiancé came home and passed out. The next day I told him he embarrassed me and I was horrified ! I asked is he really gonna kick me out of if I ever say no to him? He said of course not! I was drunk and stupid and said some dumb shit. I told him I was so embarrassed and he thinks I’m over reacting and no one will even remember because everyone was super drunk. I have been really distant and he keeps saying I’m over reacting and I should get over myself . AITAH for considering leaving him?

My wife and I have always been on the same page about wanting children. We talked about it extensively before we got married, and it was one of the things that drew us together as a couple. However, over the past couple of years, she’s started to change her mind. At first, she said she wanted to wait a little longer, which I was fine with, but now she’s telling me she doesn’t want kids at all.

This revelation has thrown me for a loop. Having children is something I’ve always wanted, and I feel like it’s a fundamental part of who I am. I love my wife, but I can’t imagine a future without kids, and I don’t think I can stay in a marriage where that dream is off the table.

We’ve had several conversations about it, but she’s firm in her decision. She says she doesn’t want the responsibility of raising children and is happy with just the two of us. While I respect her feelings, I can’t help but feel like I’m giving up a huge part of my future if I stay in this marriage.

I recently told her that if she’s truly set on not having kids, then I want a divorce. She’s devastated, accusing me of choosing hypothetical children over her. I feel horrible, but I also feel like this is too big an issue to compromise on.

Am I the asshole for ending my marriage over a change in plans, or is this a deal breaker that I’m justified in not letting go?