Now you know that the girls are just making it up
Now you know that the boys are just pushing their luck
Now you know that my ride doesn't really exist
And my name's not really on that list.
Now you know that the boys are just pushing their luck
Now you know that my ride doesn't really exist
And my name's not really on that list.
— They Might Be Giants, "Prevenge"
Cause there's one small secret that's bugging you
It would break their hearts if they ever knew
there's a world outside and you can feel it coming in
Just pull the string
And this whole thing's coming down..
It would break their hearts if they ever knew
there's a world outside and you can feel it coming in
Just pull the string
And this whole thing's coming down..
— Jonathan Coulton, "Pull the String"
[during a This Is My round, Lee is attempting to persuade the other team that the Mystery Guest taught him to swim in Southport when he was 30]
Rob Brydon: What made you think, at the age of 30, "I really ought to learn to swim"?
Lee Mack: I moved to Brighton, and I had a flat that overlooked the sea—
Krishnan Guru-Murthy: Hold on, so you moved to Brighton and travelled to Southport to have your swimming lessons?
[beat, during which the audience laughs and Lee realizes he is completely sunk]
Rob: (delighted) Thank you, sir!
Lee: Erm, I moved to Brighton, looked at the sea, and thought "Oh my God, I'm terrified of the water, I'm moving back to Southport"—
Something's not right here. Let's go and poke it with a stick...
— The Doctor, Doctor Who, "Amy's Choice"
Baldrick: (examining bite marks on Prince Edmund's neck) My God, what's happened to your neck?
Edmund: Oh! They're- they're love bites, actually!
Baldrick: They look more like dog bites to me.
Edmund: (laughs awkwardly) Well, yes, she was, um- a bit of an animal.
Lord Percy: Oh, yes? Fight to the death, eh?
Edmund: Oh, yes! As my tutor Old Bubble Face used to say, "Make love and be merry, for tomorrow, you may catch some disgusting skin disease!" (He and Percy laugh together)
Baldrick: (feeding a dwarf in a cage) I'd be prepared to swear those are dog bites.
Edmund: They are not dog bites! She was very attractive!
Baldrick: Yeah, shiny coat, wet nose, clear eyes.
Edmund: No, Baldrick! It was a woman!
Baldrick: Fair enough, my Lord.
Edmund: Right, now that's sorted out... (to Lord Percy) Percy, what are we up to today?
Percy: Well, my Lord... I thought... that you and I... might take out a couple of prisoners and... Actually, my Lord, Baldrick might have a point. They do look like dog bites.
Edmund: Yes, all right! They're dog bites, they're dog bites! I got bitten by a dog! A woman pushed me off the ramparts, because she thought I'm so hideously ugly, and I got ravaged by a rabid dog! Does that satisfy you?!
Baldrick: Yes, my Lord.
Edmund: GOOD! EXCELLENT! GOOD! RIGHT! (tries calming down) Yes, Percy, you were saying?!
Percy: Right, my Lord. You and I... might take a couple of... So it wasn't a woman?
Edmund: NO! It was a dog, it was a dog, IT WAS A BLOODY GREAT DOG!!! (barks madly)
Edmund: Oh! They're- they're love bites, actually!
Baldrick: They look more like dog bites to me.
Edmund: (laughs awkwardly) Well, yes, she was, um- a bit of an animal.
Lord Percy: Oh, yes? Fight to the death, eh?
Edmund: Oh, yes! As my tutor Old Bubble Face used to say, "Make love and be merry, for tomorrow, you may catch some disgusting skin disease!" (He and Percy laugh together)
Baldrick: (feeding a dwarf in a cage) I'd be prepared to swear those are dog bites.
Edmund: They are not dog bites! She was very attractive!
Baldrick: Yeah, shiny coat, wet nose, clear eyes.
Edmund: No, Baldrick! It was a woman!
Baldrick: Fair enough, my Lord.
Edmund: Right, now that's sorted out... (to Lord Percy) Percy, what are we up to today?
Percy: Well, my Lord... I thought... that you and I... might take out a couple of prisoners and... Actually, my Lord, Baldrick might have a point. They do look like dog bites.
Edmund: Yes, all right! They're dog bites, they're dog bites! I got bitten by a dog! A woman pushed me off the ramparts, because she thought I'm so hideously ugly, and I got ravaged by a rabid dog! Does that satisfy you?!
Baldrick: Yes, my Lord.
Edmund: GOOD! EXCELLENT! GOOD! RIGHT! (tries calming down) Yes, Percy, you were saying?!
Percy: Right, my Lord. You and I... might take a couple of... So it wasn't a woman?
Edmund: NO! It was a dog, it was a dog, IT WAS A BLOODY GREAT DOG!!! (barks madly)
What you find is there’s never just one cockroach in the kitchen when you start looking around. Anytime you put focus on an organization that has hundreds of thousands of people ... you may very well find that it wasn’t just the one who misbehaved that you find out about.
[A man with a leg brace walks into the clinic Mark is snooping in]
Mark Sloan: What happened to you?
Man in Brace: I was rear-ended by a truck.
Mark: Were you in a car? [Laughs] Joke.
[Mark presses on the man's leg, seeing no reaction. He looks up at the man's face]
Mark: Do you have any tingling in the toes?
Man in Brace: Oh, yes, lots of tingling.
Mark: Shooting pains in the thumbs?
Man in Brace: Constantly.
Mark: Nose cramps?
Man in Brace: Night and day. [The man lightly slugs Mark in the shoulder] So how much you think I'm gonna get this time, doc-
Mark: Ten years.
Man in Brace: [Shocked] For what?
Mark: Insurance fraud, son. Go home.
Mark Sloan: What happened to you?
Man in Brace: I was rear-ended by a truck.
Mark: Were you in a car? [Laughs] Joke.
[Mark presses on the man's leg, seeing no reaction. He looks up at the man's face]
Mark: Do you have any tingling in the toes?
Man in Brace: Oh, yes, lots of tingling.
Mark: Shooting pains in the thumbs?
Man in Brace: Constantly.
Mark: Nose cramps?
Man in Brace: Night and day. [The man lightly slugs Mark in the shoulder] So how much you think I'm gonna get this time, doc-
Mark: Ten years.
Man in Brace: [Shocked] For what?
Mark: Insurance fraud, son. Go home.
Yusuke Kitagawa: Sensei, what is the meaning of this?
Ichiryuusai Madarame: I suppose I can't keep quiet now that you've seen this... Truth be told... I'm in severe debt. I handmade these "Sayuri" copies and have been selling them through a special connection of mine...
Yusuke: But why?
Madarame: The real "Sayuri"... was stolen by one of my pupils long ago. I assume they begrudged my strictness... That moment was quite a shock for me... Since then, I've been mired in a terrible artist's block... Because of this distress, some of my pupils handed their ideals over to me from time to time... I knew I couldn't keep that up, so I attempted to recreate the "Sayuri" a number of times. However, it resulted in nothing more than replicas... That's when someone came to buy the paintings, knowing well they weren't original... It's all my fault. I couldn't pay the price of being famous. As expectations for me rose, it reached a point where I had no choice but to keep making them... I... needed money to further your talents... I ask that you please forgive your cowardly teacher...
Yusuke: Please don't...!
Ann Takamaki: Hold on... Something doesn't add up. If the original painting got stolen, how did you make copies of it?
Madarame: I... happened to find a finely detailed photograph of it in an artbook.
Ann: So you managed to sell copies of a photo of the original? I'm not sure how this works, but... Don't people who buy paintings generally have a keen eye for the fine arts? This sounds like a lie to me.
Madarame: What would you know!?
Ann: Something just doesn't feel right!
Morgana: [whispers to Ann] Lady Ann! [points to the covered painting on an easel from his hiding place] This one seems different!
[Ann removes the fabric from the easel to reveal...]
Yusuke: "Sayuri"? [examines the painting on the easel] This... This is the real "Sayuri"! [looks at Madarame] But you just said a moment ago that it was stolen!
Madarame: That’s a replica!
Yusuke: No, it's nothing of the sort! This painting kept me going... It's the reason I made it this far… Sensei... Don't tell me...
Madarame: It's fake... Yes, a counterfeit! I heard there was a counterfeit spreading around, so I bought it!
Ann: So you're telling me that the actual artist behind the painting bought a counterfeit? That's pushing it.
Yusuke: You're lying, Sensei... Please just tell us the truth...
Ichiryuusai Madarame: I suppose I can't keep quiet now that you've seen this... Truth be told... I'm in severe debt. I handmade these "Sayuri" copies and have been selling them through a special connection of mine...
Yusuke: But why?
Madarame: The real "Sayuri"... was stolen by one of my pupils long ago. I assume they begrudged my strictness... That moment was quite a shock for me... Since then, I've been mired in a terrible artist's block... Because of this distress, some of my pupils handed their ideals over to me from time to time... I knew I couldn't keep that up, so I attempted to recreate the "Sayuri" a number of times. However, it resulted in nothing more than replicas... That's when someone came to buy the paintings, knowing well they weren't original... It's all my fault. I couldn't pay the price of being famous. As expectations for me rose, it reached a point where I had no choice but to keep making them... I... needed money to further your talents... I ask that you please forgive your cowardly teacher...
Yusuke: Please don't...!
Ann Takamaki: Hold on... Something doesn't add up. If the original painting got stolen, how did you make copies of it?
Madarame: I... happened to find a finely detailed photograph of it in an artbook.
Ann: So you managed to sell copies of a photo of the original? I'm not sure how this works, but... Don't people who buy paintings generally have a keen eye for the fine arts? This sounds like a lie to me.
Madarame: What would you know!?
Ann: Something just doesn't feel right!
Morgana: [whispers to Ann] Lady Ann! [points to the covered painting on an easel from his hiding place] This one seems different!
[Ann removes the fabric from the easel to reveal...]
Yusuke: "Sayuri"? [examines the painting on the easel] This... This is the real "Sayuri"! [looks at Madarame] But you just said a moment ago that it was stolen!
Madarame: That’s a replica!
Yusuke: No, it's nothing of the sort! This painting kept me going... It's the reason I made it this far… Sensei... Don't tell me...
Madarame: It's fake... Yes, a counterfeit! I heard there was a counterfeit spreading around, so I bought it!
Ann: So you're telling me that the actual artist behind the painting bought a counterfeit? That's pushing it.
Yusuke: You're lying, Sensei... Please just tell us the truth...