"Brave men die a single death; cowards marry fish-head mermaids!"
— Mario, The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, "The Ugly Mermaid"
"Where does the mermaid hide her purse?"
— Anonymous
"If we see any mermaids, I'm gonna ask them where their mer-ginas are."
— Tina Belcher, Bob's Burgers, "Burgerboss"
Peter: Where is it?
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: I can't find it anywhere!
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: There's nothing but a fish tail down there.
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: Oh, there we go!
Mermaid: That's not it.
Peter: (through gritted teeth) It's gonna be.
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: I can't find it anywhere!
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: There's nothing but a fish tail down there.
Mermaid: Keep looking!
Peter: Oh, there we go!
Mermaid: That's not it.
Peter: (through gritted teeth) It's gonna be.
"Would it be weird for you, if I touched your fishy half? I know it would be for me..."
— Flight of the Conchords, "Mermaid"
Umbriel: What the hell is that?
Fry: Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail and all?
Umbriel: I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave, and you release your fertilizer.
(Fry gains a horrified expression; cut to him bolting from her house)
Fry: Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?!
Fry: Yeah, I'm a little confused, too. How do I... you know, with the tail and all?
Umbriel: I'm not your first, am I? I mean, I lay my eggs, then I leave, and you release your fertilizer.
(Fry gains a horrified expression; cut to him bolting from her house)
Fry: Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid, with the fish part on top and the lady part on the bottom?!
— Futurama, "The Deep South"
"There's that old joke about mermaids: 'She's beautiful — thirty-four, twenty-six, and seventeen-and-six a pound.'"
— Paul Merton, Have I Got News for You
The Little Mermaid's Little Sister
was also partly girl and cod
though in a way which those who kissed her
found odd.
...But which, well worth to mention,
though at first sight absurd,
I, with my fond intention,
preferred.
was also partly girl and cod
though in a way which those who kissed her
found odd.
...But which, well worth to mention,
though at first sight absurd,
I, with my fond intention,
preferred.
— Piet Hein
John: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?
Jade: what do you mean
John: i mean...
John: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.
Jade: uh
Jade: so
John: a GHOST BUTT, jade!
Jade: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!
John: i'm just saying...
Jade: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!
Jade: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!
[…]
Jade: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...
John: no!!!
Jade: what do you mean
John: i mean...
John: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.
Jade: uh
Jade: so
John: a GHOST BUTT, jade!
Jade: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!
John: i'm just saying...
Jade: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!
Jade: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!
[…]
Jade: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...
John: no!!!
"Neither will fry, nor will fuck."
— Internet Meme
Cassie: How do you do it?
Damarian: Do what?
Cassie: Well....you know...
Damarian: I am afraid I do not know.
Cassie: Sex.
Damarian: Sex? What is sex?
Cassie: So... um... when two people want to have a baby— You guys have babies don't you?
Damarian: Are you referring to mating?
Cassie: Oh yeah! Of course. Mating!
Damarian: Certainly we mate.
Cassie: So how exactly...
Damarian: The scales move aside when the child of the sea is... excited.
Cassie: Oh. Yeah.
Damarian: Do what?
Cassie: Well....you know...
Damarian: I am afraid I do not know.
Cassie: Sex.
Damarian: Sex? What is sex?
Cassie: So... um... when two people want to have a baby— You guys have babies don't you?
Damarian: Are you referring to mating?
Cassie: Oh yeah! Of course. Mating!
Damarian: Certainly we mate.
Cassie: So how exactly...
Damarian: The scales move aside when the child of the sea is... excited.
Cassie: Oh. Yeah.
Look at my face, check out my chest
Wouldn't you say clamshell bras are the best?
Lookin' around me, you'd think "Sure, I could tap that"
But as you know, I'm a merfolk
And so I'm a fish down below
You want great human looks? I've got half
But who cares? No big deal. I want more...
Wouldn't you say clamshell bras are the best?
Lookin' around me, you'd think "Sure, I could tap that"
But as you know, I'm a merfolk
And so I'm a fish down below
You want great human looks? I've got half
But who cares? No big deal. I want more...
— Out of Bounds, To the Tune of… "Part of Your World"
Cat: I have another girlfriend who's a mermaid. She's half woman, half fish!
(woman emerges from a nearby lake with a fish torso atop human legs)
Holly: Somehow I imagined she'd be a woman on top and a fish on the bottom.
Cat: No! That's the stupid way around.
(woman emerges from a nearby lake with a fish torso atop human legs)
Holly: Somehow I imagined she'd be a woman on top and a fish on the bottom.
Cat: No! That's the stupid way around.
So over I jumped and she pulled me down down to her seaweed bed
And the pillow made of tortoise shell she placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimps and caviar upon the silver dish
From her head to her waist she was my taste but the bottom part was a fish
Oh her hair were green as seaweed her eyes were blue and pale
And I loved that girl with all my heart I vowed we'd never part
But I knew the back was not too smart cause I did not like the tail.
And the pillow made of tortoise shell she placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimps and caviar upon the silver dish
From her head to her waist she was my taste but the bottom part was a fish
Oh her hair were green as seaweed her eyes were blue and pale
And I loved that girl with all my heart I vowed we'd never part
But I knew the back was not too smart cause I did not like the tail.
— Shel Silverstein, "The Mermaid"
"How'n the hell do you fuck a mermaid? Fish ain't got vaginas, last time I checked."
— Frances Healy, We Both Go Down Together