Book: Do you think we should focus our efforts on bringing Match back from the TLC?
Pencil: Ehh, maybe...
Book: Aren't you best friends? I thought you'd be a little more eager to see her again.
Pencil: I mean, we're doing just fine without her, aren't we? Match was a little too needy […] any way.
Book: Really? You never told me Match was needy […] before.
Pencil: Oh, yeah. Match was over-the-top, crazy, make-you-question-your-faith-in-Pencilanity needy! But that's in the past.
Pencil: Ehh, maybe...
Book: Aren't you best friends? I thought you'd be a little more eager to see her again.
Pencil: I mean, we're doing just fine without her, aren't we? Match was a little too needy […] any way.
Book: Really? You never told me Match was needy […] before.
Pencil: Oh, yeah. Match was over-the-top, crazy, make-you-question-your-faith-in-Pencilanity needy! But that's in the past.
— IDFB, "Welcome Back"
Characters get turned off by others for a slew of reasons. A lot of times, it's because the suitor is an extremely unpleasant individual. Other times, it's because of a profound lack of intelligence.
This trope is about a character turned off (or non-romantically put off) by someone who lacks agency, purpose and confidence. More often than not, the suitor puts the character they're attracted to on a pedestal, bases their decisions on what they think their love interest would like, hides their feelings and bases their identity on the love interest's validation. This is perceived as a lack of individuality, confidence, life energy, assertiveness and boundaries, and therefore unattractive.
This trope is often Truth in Television, and most often in heterosexual dynamics where the man is a Hopeless Suitor. When a man is overly gracious, solicitous and passively pleasing with a woman, it comes across as an overt attempt to win her approval. It's also often the logical outcome of Dead Sparks, where one party in the couple is overtly suffocated by their partner's constant need for attention and validation.
More often than not, this is a subversion of Single Woman Seeks Good Man, or a deconstruction of Dogged Nice Guy and Unresolved Sexual Tension. It's usually portrayed as a good thing, since the needy/clingy pursuer tends to be a Bitch in Sheep's Clothing, an Extreme Doormat, a Dirty Coward, an Abhorrent Admirer, a Stalker with a Crush, Secretly Selfish, Not Good with Rejection, Entitled to Have You, just Wants a Prize for Basic Decency, or at least two of the above.
Compare Turned Off by the Jerkass and Turned Off by the Dumbass. Contrast Weakness Turns Her On.
Examples:
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Anime & Manga
- Skip Beat!: Though early on, he claims he has no interest in Kyoko because she's plain and flat-chested among other things, Kyoko's ex-boyfriend Sho is shown later to have perhaps also been disinterested in her because of her submissive, fangirly behavior towards him. Her newer, far more assertive attitude leaves him wanting her, even if he won't admit it.
- Sonic X: Amy is in love with Sonic, but Sonic often gets uncomfortable and tries to get away from her because she’s clingy and comes on too strong (this version of Sonic is also less social and needs alone time). In "The Planet of Misfortune", Chris lampshades this, suggesting Amy would have better luck if she didn’t push so hard.
- Stitch!: In "Hunkahunka Burnin’ Angel", Stitch does Kenny a favor by having Hunkahunka peck Kenny’s crush, Sasha, to make her fall in love with Kenny. This makes Kenny happy at first, but he’s creeped out when the love spell makes Sasha act really clingy, such as saying she and Kenny should call each other eight times a day.
- The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Love You: Usa-chan mentions that she had driven away people she tried to befriend with her constant need for copious amounts of attention. Rentarou is fully willing to give her as much attention as she wants, but when he gets sick in Chapter 174, Mimimi is driven crazy trying to take his place on that front.
Comic Books
- Josie and the Pussycats: Normally, Alexandra Cabot would be quite the catch, as an heiress to the Cabot fortune, plus a bikini body and nice face, provided she's not scowling. However, Alexandra displays all the symptoms of trying too hard to win Alan Mayberry's affections. Alan is actually repulsed by Alexandra's cloying nature and prefers Josie instead. Josie is pretty enough to garner any boy in town, so Alan counts himself lucky that Josie prefers his company. Alexandra's clinginess actually gets worse in the Animated Adaptation by Hanna-Barbera.
Comic Strips
- Cathy: A new employee at the ad firm where Cathy works sparks the interest of the firm's women. When a colleague wonders why the new guy isn't making a play for any of them, the reply is that he believes modern women are "materialistic and clingy". Two women within earshot chime in with complaints about men, prompting the new guy to remark "Add picky to the list."
Fan Works
- In the Tom and Jerry fanfic A Gem of a Person
, this is zigzagged. Ruby L'Amour has an insane crush on Garnet, to the point of trying to kill his female friend Citrine out of jealousy. While she never had a chance to begin with because Garnet is aroace, he makes it clear that even if he were into romance, he'd never be with her because of how disgustingly clingy she is.
- A lot of Miraculous Ladybug fanfics show Adrien (especially in fics where he came to regret his initial advice to Marinette) disliking how Lila seems to assume they're already dating and constantly draping herself over him or touching him...despite him either (politely) asking her to stop or showing outright discomfort. When Lila is inevitably defeated by the end of the fic, Adrien always either contributes to her downfall or shows absolutely no despair at her defeat.
- Rain Code: New Game Plus: Shinobu is a student at Aetheria Academy who acts quite clingy with Yoshiko. While it's not clear if Shinobu has a crush on Yoshiko or heavily admires her, it's quite obvious that Yoshiko doesn't like the attention Shinobu gives her and tries to avoid her. Yoshiko pales when Shinobu gets a glance at her and immediately bolts as a result.
Films — Animation
- Beauty and the Beast (1991): Despite this also being a case of Turned Off by the Jerkass, Belle's dislike of Gaston also qualifies here. Aside from Gaston's invasive, unpleasant personality, Belle is put off by the fact that he's going out of his way to chase her approval when she makes it clear many times that she's not interested in him.
- Megamind: Hal, Roxanne's fat, awkward cameraman and business colleague, acts very needy and desperate around her, and makes poor attempts at flirting and getting together that she never reciprocates. After he tries to woo her by becoming the superhero, "Tighten", only to get rejected again, Hal becomes a villain, goes on a destructive rampage to take his anger out on the city, and tries to kill Roxanne.
- Scared Shrekless: Gingy's story has him request Muffin Man to make him a new Gingerbread Woman after his girlfriend breaks up with him. Gingy has more sugar than the recipe recommends added because he wants his new girlfriend to be sweet and love him forever despite the Muffin Man's warnings. In a case of Be Careful What You Wish For, the new Gingerbread Woman ends up too sweet, becoming extremely clingy to the point that she won't leave Gingy alone and give him space and privacy.
Films — Live-Action
- Coming to America: Prince Akeem is betrothed to Princess Imani at the outset of the film, and finds that she is robotically devoid of agency and almost programmed to defer to him. Needless to say, her beauty is far too insufficient to attract Akeem to her.
- Subverted in Just Friends; Jamie certainly didn't reciprocate Chris' feelings for her when they were teenagers, so finding out that Chris still harbors them along with the added resentment and baggage notably upsets her. But, in a stroke of Contrived Coincidence, she finds him and says she had feelings for him, too.
- Shaun of the Dead: Taken to obsessive degrees with David's unrequited fixation on Liz, where he goes so far as to date one of Liz's friends just so he could have another shot at winning her over, showing how pitifully needy he is, for all his virtue-signalling. Suffice to say, Liz is repulsed.
Literature
- Adrian Mole:
- A non-romantic example in Wilderness Years; Adrian briefly shares a house with a landlady Mrs. Hedge, who proves herself to be untidy, alcoholic, and emotionally needy. The second time Adrian finds Mrs Hedge in tears over breakfast, Adrian decides it's time to move on, as he needs cheerful people around him.
- In Weapons of Mass Destruction, Adrian meets the extremely emotionally needy Marigold Flowers, who manipulates her way into Adrian's affections; and in spite of his determination never to see her again, they have sex, and she and her father try to bully him into engagement and marriage. Adrian is too weak to refuse until it is revealed that she told him a massive lie, that he had made her pregnant.
- Trapped in a Dating Sim: The World of Otome Games is Tough for Mobs: When Leon asks Olivia why she loves him and not the prince or his entourage, she lists off their flaws which turned her off. For Chris, she decries him as too needy.
Live-Action TV
- The Big Bang Theory: Raj Koothrappali, who initially Cannot Talk to Women unless he's drunk, is on the receiving end of this the most out of any central character.
- With Lucy, he internalized all of her overwhelming social anxiety as a reflection of his worth, and it put her off.
- Emily is a woman whom he suffocated with a constant need for attention and reassurance, and a constant overanalysis of their every interaction.
- He put Yvette on a pedestal and acted awkward and desperate around her. Needless to say, she was completely put off.
- The Middle: "Change in the Air" has a non-romantic example. Frankie is bummed because her oldest son, Axl, left to go to college and he’s been ignoring her texts. She gets more upset when she learns Axl doesn’t ignore Mike’s texts, and Mike claims Axl probably ignores her because she texts him too much. Mike tells Frankie that she’s too needy, and guys can smell that and it makes them run away.
- The Orville: Played for Laughs; at the start of season two, when Malloy asks LaMarr for dating advice, he admits he once dated a woman who was stalking him... and they ended up breaking up because she said he was too clingy. Hearing this, LaMarr realizes they need to up their game.
- Two and a Half Men: Alan Harper's passively pleasing attitude guarantees that women don't develop a lasting attraction to him.
- His failed marriage to Judith is the origin story; however horrible Judith was as a person, Alan never set boundaries, forced her to take charge and then blamed her alone for killing their marriage.
- With Melissa, he put on an act to impress her, which itself is a form of insecurity.
- With Lyndsey, he became parasitic and dependent, much like he was whenever he lived off of Charlie's money. Needless to say, she eventually kicked him out.
Video Games
- Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2: Discussed when Deadpool encounters Valkyrie; she notes that she's heard of him, since he has caught the eye of Death herself. Deadpool jokes that the relationship didn't go well, since she was "clingy". note
- Sonic the Hedgehog: Amy Rose is in love with Sonic, but Sonic has always rejected her romantic advances, partly because she acts like a clingy, obsessive stalker. Amy would constantly go around looking for Sonic, ask him out, and sometimes even ask him to marry her. This even leads to a boss fight between Team Sonic and Team Rose in Sonic Heroes because Amy intends to force Sonic to marry her, and Sonic is so vehemently against the idea that he has to literally fight her off. This facet of Amy's character was dialed back starting around the release of Sonic Generations in favor of Amy being a fortune teller with cards. After that, it's generally played like Amy Cannot Spit It Out.
Visual Novels
- Katawa Shoujo: This is the outcome of several bad endings in a couple of romantic routes.
- With Emi, she loses interest if Hisao chases after her during the argument at her house, and the relationship comes to an end regardless of the choices afterwards.
- With Hanako, Hisao's smothering tendencies strain their budding relationship, and Lilly clocks Hisao's neediness at a crucial moment. Should Hisao refuse to listen to her, his relationship with Hanako will end in an explosion of repressed rage on Hanako's part because she felt suffocated by Hisao's constant need for attention and affection.
Western Animation
- Adventure Time: “Ring of Fire” reveals that Tree Trunks divorced her third husband Wyatt due to his needy personality.
- Chowder: Panini has an obsessive crush on Chowder and keeps calling him her boyfriend. He is deeply put off by this and often tells her, "I'm not your boyfriend!" The two do get married in the Time Skip, though.
- Miraculous Ladybug:
- In "Evillustrator", Sabrina begins to idolize Marinette after the latter stands up for her when Chloe tries to force her to do a group project all by herself, and soon becomes clingy and overly affectionate. While Marinette is extremely sympathetic, given how badly Chloe treats Sabrina on a regular basis, having a "bestie" who needs constant affirmation and reassurance gets in the way of her superhero duties, and she reluctantly tells Sabrina that she needs some space. Sabrina does not take this well at all and goes back to her toxic codependent relationship with Chloe, which grows steadily worse until she's forced to plead with Marinette to help her break it off for good.
- Played with in "Sleeping Siren", where the harder Ondine tries to press her boyfriend Kim for affection, the more he pulls away from her. While his behavior is mostly because he's been getting terrible advice from Ray and his gang (who have a bet on which of them can break Kim and Ondine up first), it's also rather clear that Ondine has unrealistic expectations of her Dumb Jock boyfriend that are rooted in her own insecurities.
- We Bare Bears: In "The Island", Dave and Karla are trapped on an island. It's later revealed that Dave has supplies to escape the island, but he keeps this a secret so Karla will have more time to fall in love with him. When the bears expose his nasty plot to her (and show her drawings he made of them getting married), Karla is furious with him and ditches him by taking a raft with the bear trio.