Get A Stupid Answer / Video Games (A to M)

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...Get a Stupid Answer for Video Games - A to M.

• You played two hours to die like this?
  • Death is just another test.
  • You have no idea what death means to mortals, do you?
  • I could never fall off / Imma stay fly / Imma live forever, I ain’t ever gonna die / Hater’s gonna hate / Let me see you try / Imma live forever, I ain’t ever gonna die / I be like (ooh-ooh) / I got some enemies / I betcha wanna push me off a balcony / But (ooh-ooh) / One thing ‘bout me / I don’t sleep, I could never R.I.P.
  • I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you.
    • Take your best shot, Flatlander woman.
  • Nobody is bullet-proof. "I work out, I eat clean!" Jesus, pass the Dramamine. Time to face the brutal truth, 'cause we're all on a hit list, might not live 'til Christmas, choke to death on Triscuits. Hey, that just statistics.

Alan Wake 2

• Who the fuck puts a tree in the middle of the road?
  • We found a bug in the level editor.
  • This is literally the highway you take to go to school, bro, I don't want to hear it.
  • The Map Men

• Running away, are we?
  • RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
  • All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun!
    • All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run faster than my bullets!
  • We run TOWARD danger, not FROM it.
  • We don't run, we chase.
  • Hey, space is a tough place where wimps eat flaming plasma death.
  • I'm always running!

Among Us

• Who Is The Impostor?
  • Do I take it, sir, you're accusing her?
    You accost her
    With the word impostor, no, no! ^note From Howard Dietz's Metropolitan Opera translation
  • Tails.
  • My gut feeling tells me you are The Impostor...

Assassin's Creed III

• Where is Charles Lee???
  • Charles Lee sends his regards.
    • You killed him, didn't you?
    • Your "maestro" was helpless against me.
  • Instead of me, he promotes Charles Lee, makes him second in command. (I'm a general! Wheee!)
  • Mellow out, man. We can't talk business with you waving guns at people's faces.

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

• Hey Wassa-Matta-You Altaïr?
  • That's racist!
    • You're racist!
    • Nathan Naimark! He's a racist! Wait, that's someone else!
  • You FUCKING RACIST!

Azure Striker Gunvolt

• Would it have killed you to just drown?
  • No.
    • Yes.
  • People die if they are killed.
  • You know we sea creatures can't swim! (Heh heh...)
  • Drowning cannot kill me, Raiden.

Bad Dudes

• Are you a bad enough dude to save the president?
  • I'm pretty sure he can handle himself.
    • He's a bad enough president to save dudes using burning American freedom.
  • If it's the only way to pay for all my crimes, then yes.
  • I'm bad. Why would I want to do something good like save him?
    • Pragmatic Villainy.
  • You know I'm bad, I'm bad...
  • Only if you're on the hero mission.
  • He is not a dude. You're a dude. This... this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
  • If you are, you'll face me - Captain Kalaw!

Baldur's Gate

• I don't want to seem c-confrontational, but could you be a little less... well... evil?
  • There is no longer black or white, good or evil. "Evil" spelt backwards is "Live", and we all want to do that, now, don't we?
• Ah, what now? Need your pantaloons pressed?
  • Don't, Scarecrow!
  • Bold of you to assume I own pantaloons.
• Have you nothing else to do but bother me?!
  • Not until 4.
• Are you gonna throw rocks at me?
  • Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

• What is the worth of a single mortal life?
  • If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
  • 100 souls!
  • How about… two Scooby Snacks?
  • I think it's like a "buy two get one free" sort of thing.
  • Life has no meaning. Only machine intelligence is truly important on a cosmic scale.
  • Ten times more than you I'll bet.
  • How about "No", you crazy Dutch bastard?

• Is it just me, or is your nose square?
  • I hate you! And you stupid nose!
    • What did you say about my nose?!
    • Maybe if you reshaped that old yee-yee ass nose you got, you get some bitches you can smell.
  • The only things square here are your heads!
• Your feathered friend is such a joke, where are the "funny" lines she once spoke?
  • Only if you find her death funny.

Batman: Arkham City

• Tell me everything about the Riddler!
  • Well, he's pathologically obsessed with riddles, and commits crimes to get Batman's attention and therefore get Batman to solve said riddles, due to Batman being the only one he feels he can match wits with. He dresses in green clothes covered in black question marks, and a green bowler hat, sometimes accentuating things with a question mark topped cane. One of Batman's less overtly harmful or homicidal criminals, to the extent that he's gone straight in the past.
  • I don't know everything about the Riddler. If you need more info, ask that last guy. He seems pretty knowledgeable on the subject.
  • Sorry, that has to be in the form of a question.
    • BIZZARO NO GIVE QUESTION. ASK STATEMENT.
  • Everything about the Riddler.
  • He is brilliant. He is deadly. And he is still surrounded by frickin' idiots.
    • I shall die as I lived. Completely surrounded by morons.
  • They're making him out to be some kind of criminal mastermind and believe me, he's not! The man can barely work our shredder!
• How the hell did Batman get into the museum? That place was locked down tighter than my mother on prom night!
  • A Wizard Did It.
  • Bat-Magic.
  • Because I'm Batman!

The Battle Cats

• I mean, if you have money, you don’t need love, right?
  • Nothing Matters Except the Money.
  • What kind of monster chooses money over lo— MONEY ALL THE WAY, BABY!
  • We'll be mopping up the money in the morning! We'll be rolling in our riches, afternoon! In the evening we'll dine on the finest meat and wine, and we'll eat it with a silver spoon!
  • Love, gimme love, gimme love, I don't need it but I'll take what I want from your heart and I'll keep it.

Bendy and the Ink Machine

• Can I get an amen?
  • Amen.
    • So be it, and God have mercy upon me!
  • Hell no, you won't.
  • Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
  • What?

BioShock 1

• Who is Atlas?
  • Some Irish dude who isn't even Irish.
  • Would you kindly?
    • No.
  • Someone you've never heard of.
  • P-Body's partner.
  • The Titan who holds up the sky.
  • I’ll do you one better! WHY is Atlas?
  • This game company that gets off on our tears.
  • A big stompy 100-ton Inner Sphere war machine.
  • Atlas? She's the biomatch for Model F.
  • Hey, wasn't his name Daichi?
  • (shrugs)
  • A plumbing company.
  • This is Atlas, the brawler, the strong.
    Moving mountains is no easy task, Tenno. Atlas endures.
  • I pity the fool.
  • A mental giant.

Book of Mario: Thousands of Doors

• Hi, are you suspicious? What is your website?
  • Suspicious my ass.
  • No, nothing fishy here -- totally fishless.
  • imoscar.com
• When will my birthday begin?
  • It's A Birthday, Not a Break.
  • Where is everybody? SpongeBob? Squidward? It is my birthday! Has everyone forgotten? Nobody loves me anymore...
    • Everybody's Dead, Dave
• I hope you'll explode next time, okay? Do we understand?
  • You want me to explode?
• How many people still believe in stars?
  • They're fireflies. Fireflies that got stuck in that big blueish black thing.
  • Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
  • Now, you may find it inconceivable or rather very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you. But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.
  • Mother never lets me look at the stars either!

Bubsy

• What could paws-ibly go wrong?!
  • Have you seen yourself in three dimensions lately?
  • Nothing! Nothing Can Stop Us Now!!
    • Who are you callin' "nothing"?!
    • Nobody. I meant to say that my prophecies are inevitable, you stupid idiot. And things will all go according to plan, in the way I intended it. In English: You Can't Fight Fate.
  • Don't say that!
  • This.
  • Everything. Forever.
  • Houston, we have a problem....
    • "HOOT! We have a problem."
  • Classic tee-up!
  • Anything.
  • What couldn't?
  • I dunno. You seem pretty fine with the title "Cheese Wheels of Doom". What I mean is that EVERYTHING COULD GO WRONG!
  • Nothing can go wrong! *crash* OH NO! IT ALL WENT WRONG!
  • Dammit, this happens every time I get cocky! Someone like this comes along and I wish I hadn't said a lot of things that I did.
  • You don't know the depths of what could go wrong, Bubsy! You sit on your fucking ivory tower of naiveté and joy and happiness! You are blissfully unaware of the dangers and the injustices of this world!
  • Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
  • Everything!
  • For research purposes only.

Bug Fables

• You've got a reward ready, right?
  • Now, it isn't ordinary for the heroes to get an award. They usually get a B.S. (Biscuit Sushi) pat on the back or something. But, in this case, I was feeling generous, so I searched for 20 hours during your 3-minute trip and finally found... THE GREAT BANANA!
  • Is this not a good enough reward for saving the world? An eternity of bliss? You... you ingrate!

Capcom vs. SNK 2: Mark of the Millennium

• Hey! Who allowed them to join this tournament? They're way too strong to compete! I mean, what's up with that?
  • It shoots fire from its mouth and bleeds acidic lava! Run for your pathetic lives!
  • Hey, don't take this as an excuse or something, but... that Ragna at the very end? That sucker is TOUGH! Oh my God, you have no idea!
  • It is absolutely unacceptable for you to deal lethal damage on your first turn! It completely ruins the balance of the game! I cannot approve approve of someone like you being the final boss! In fact, no one would approve of such a lousy game if it had that!
  • Um... I gotta be honest with you right here. I recorded this fight earlier and I frickin' lost. No, I don't - I don't mean that it was a close fight. I mean that I got my ass handed to me. This guy... was ridiculous.
  • Okay, I know it's filthy rich coming from ME... But your powers are bullshit!
  • A goddess who can make me feel pain even at level 100. And a human who casually punches such a goddess. This world...has some serious power balance issues!
  • Foolish girl! I am a druid, I have special abilities that are more powerful than your entire class!
  • All's fair in love and war, and in this tournament, every entrance is considered fair.
  • We got a guy with things comin' out of his hands, we got another guy who freezes stuff, and then there's a man, who as far as I can tell, is made out of electricity. I mean, how did he disappear like that? What is goin' on here? WHO IS THIS GUY?

Captain Novolin

• Hello Ranger. I have diabetes. Is there anything special I should know before climbing the mountain?
  • A shard from the Orb of Dominance landed atop these mountain peaks, and now dark storms howl and snows swirl around the summit.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

• What is a man?
  • Okay, first, get a mirror. Second, look inside of it. That is a man. It can't be a woman because There Are No Girls on the Internet.
  • But Drac's asking it and he doesn't appear in a mirror.
    • He's no man! He's a... space station! ...Vampire, you dolt.
    • No, he IS a space station, NOT a vampire!
    • Linkara is a man! And a half!
    • A BERSERKER-PACKING man-and-a-half?
    • He tried that once. He got stuck.
    • Homestuck?
    • A mirror's one single job is to accurately reflect what's in front of it and this one is sure as hell not doing that.
  • The capacity to ponder your existence. That is the essence of the human soul. (It's too bad Drac never thought to consult his closest source.)
  • He must be swift as the coursing river!
    • With all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, and mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
  • Water, 35 litres. Carbon, 20 kg. Ammonia, 4 litres. Lime, 1.5 kg. Phosphorus, 800 g. Salt, 250 g. Niter, 100 g. Sulphur, 80 g. Fluorine, 7.5 g. Iron, 5 g. Silicon 3 g. And fifteen other elements. Those are the elements to make an average adult human body.
    • Ammonia, lime, water, salt and nitre aren't elements!
    • 5 litres of human blood, 206 bones, a skull, a human brain (embedded in skull), a layer of skin (being worn), two eyes (embedded in skull), a tongue, a stomach (half-full), a digestive tract, a rectum (full), a bladder (half-empty), a liver, a kidney (worth 500 zorkmids), another kidney (in use), two lungs (in use), a human heart (in use), a spleen (unventilated), some genitals, 412 human hairs (being worn), a song (embedded in heart), a smile (embedded in skull), 9 hopes, 12 dreams, 14 regrets, 99 problems, 17 fears, 5 ounces of darkness (embedded in heart) and a consciousness (not in use).
    • Wait... Nitre + sulphur...
    • Sodium Chloride would like a word with you.
  • It's white like coriander seed and tastes like wafers made with honey.
  • *Throws wine glass*
    • a roomba picks it up
  • A miserable pile of BUUUUUULLSHIT!
  • What is a Senpai?! Just a miserable little pile of heartbreak!
  • If he's not your man, and he's not our man, whose man is he?
  • All mankind is scum — and bee-yoo-ti-ful!
  • A quintessence of dust.
  • A man is a featherless biped.
  • The Man? Oh, you don't know the Man? Well, he's everywhere; the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins, she's the Man! And the Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank, OK?! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man, it was called rock 'n roll. But guess what? Oh, no, the Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool, or pure, or awesome, 'cause the Man's just gonna call you a fat, washed-up loser and crush your soul, so do yourselves a favor and just give up!
  • You know what, Belmont? Things change, people change, and in this day and age, I've come to accept that a man is simply an idealogy, a person who identifies himself as a man. You know, my son Adrian used to be a girl, but I support him no matter what he chooses to be. Unless he's trying to kill me. Hey, remember when you took us to the pride parade and I lost my parasol and we had to go back home and treat my nasty sunburns? Sigh... good tiiiiimes. But enough talk! Have at you!
  • We Are Devo

Chrono Trigger

• Princess!! Wearing our disguise again, are we?
  • We got a Spy!

Colossal Cave

• Kill the dragon? With what, your bare hands?
  • Yes.^*Congratulations! You have just vanquished a dragon with your bare hands! (Unbelievable, isn't it?)
  • It works for Mario.
  • No, with Ice, Fairy or its own Dragon powers.
  • Maybe some anti-Pyrrhian weapon
  • No, silly! You kill dragons by shouting at them!
  • Actually, I was thinking of using the Dragonslayer Greatbow.
  • What element is it weak to? I have this weapon I made out of another dragon I could use...
  • No, I'm just gonna stare at it until it starts crying.
  • I'd rather trick the dragon into swallowing a shrunken dire porcupine and then ending the spell while he swallows.
  • A dragon is no match for my pneumatic fists.
  • With the Glorious Chainsaw Method: Make your swords become like things unto chainsaws.
  • Damn straight.
  • Rip and tear! Rip and tear its guts!
  • My fists are made of steel.

Conker's Bad Fur Day

• Were your parents related? Like, before they were married?
  • Childhood friends? Went to the same school? Just to name a few.
• Why is it everybody's so offensive 'round here?
  • I'm Irish. Racism is part of my culture.
  • We 'fend, then rend!
  • BECAUSE THEY'RE STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLES SPENDING EVERY FUCKING HOUR PROTECTING A STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, YOU FUCKING CUNT!
  • You find me offensive? I find you offensive for finding me offensive.
• How about some scat, you little twat?
  • Bop beep be be skdoo bep
  • Ska-badabadabadoo-belidabbelydabbladabbladabblabab-belibabbelibabbelibabbelabbelo-doobelidoo... I'm the Scatman!
  • You need a new catchphrase.
  • Daaaadaaaa talalala la-la-laaaa la-lalaaaa...
  • You know, it's fitting that you called it scatting earlier because that was a load of shit!

Cookie Clicker

• Explain to me again why we need particle accelerators to bake cookies?
  • Cookies need love like everything does.

Cragne Manor

• The stupid fat-ass boneless horse is stuck in the magic shitter, and it's still trying to kick you to death! What do you do?
  • Let him be. He can't do anything.

Crash Tag Team Racing

• Man, you ever put a baked ham in a woodchipper? I know I have!
  • My father put a woodchipper in baked ham one time.
  • For you, the moment I put baked ham in a woodchipper could come off as a big notable event. But for Me, It Was Tuesday.

Crash: Mind Over Mutant

• Why do you keep feeding me cake?!
  • I'm really, really sorry. I'll never do it again. Please don't unsubscribe.
  • Because the cake is a lie!
  • Who doesn’t love cake?
  • You should've learned bitches love cake!

Crash of the Titans

• How long have you had that in your pants?
  • How do you think I feel, carrying them for 10 years?
  • Yeah, try carrying it around in your trenchcoat for 2 months.
  • I dunno...

Crusader Kings

• "What should I do in Crusader Kings? ... Screw my sister, you say?"
  • Hahahaha! Incest. I'm laughing now.
  • Bride and sister be to thy brother; so flourish the Volsungs for aye!

Cuphead

• With a face like mine is it a crime to be bouncing all the time?
  • Now that you said it...it's time to count up your crimes.
    • Ugh, never mind.

Cybermorph

• Where did you learn to fly?
  • Vermillion City.
  • Bob-Omb Battlefield.
  • Running away from Agrajag.
  • When the volcano blew.
  • Neverland.
  • Playing Orbiter.
  • Where did you learn to be an asshole?!
  • Well I started out down a dirty road, Started out all alone, And the sun went down as I crossed the hill, And the town lit up, the world got still...
  • Right after I swam across an entire ocean.
  • I searched and I searched as I climbed up the wall. And then I started to fly, I went in deeper!
  • Sunrise Spring.
  • Treasure Trove Cove.
  • Don't you understand? With gravity slain, now we can fly!
  • Me teach you how fly.
  • I fly, you don't. I win.
  • From you, alright? I learned it by watching you!
  • I got wings, Lantern.

DanceDanceRevolution

• Why do you need Konami Original Songs?
  • Because otherwise the game would be infused with even more terrible pop songs than it is now.
  • Rule 269 was violated: My character cannot hear the soundtrack.

Dark Deception

• Is it really that hard to outrun a statue?
  • It's not even a statue in the first place. IT'S STING!
  • The Lonely Assassins, that's what they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the Universe, or very nearly. And they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They are Quantum Locked. They don't exist when they are being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice, it's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn into stone. And you can't kill a stone. Of course, a stone can't kill you either, but then you turn your head away. Then you blink. Then, oh yes, it can. The angels are coming for you, but listen, your life could depend on this: don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck.

Dark Souls 3

• May I pose thee a question? This tower, this prison, stands tall and solitary, the contraption bridging its lower reaches long unmoving. So... by what path didst thou here ascend? Art thou a creature of the air, or other winged thing?
  • No. Jump good.
  • I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings.
  • The three complete friends zapped onto the landing outside the door to the castle roof. They almost legged it, but witches are not climbing.
  • The first thing I want is for you to stop asking stupid questions.
  • I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane. I′m a birdplane! A motherfuckin' birdplane!
• You like poking around in cells, do you?
  • Not really, I thought there was a cool item behind the chair.
  • I have a natural curiosity.

Darkstalkers

• Is your blood as thin and weak as you?
  • It flows not pure and noble like yours; stubborn and cold, slow it runs, my cheek refusing to redden.

Dawn of War

• Y'think youz can sneek about wifout me boyz seein' ya?
  • Well, it would be stupid to say yes, now.
  • Maybe you ought to have painted yourself purple?
  • That's what the box is for.
  • That is a decoy. The fellow to your left - *dramatic pause* - IS A SPY!
  • Well, if I get seen, I'm obviously not being very sneaky, now am I?
  • I knew I should have recharged my Somebody Else's Problem Field last night.
  • Are you trying to enact something you saw in a video game?
  • Hey, they're asleep. So stay quiet and move slowly.
    OKAY!
    WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?! BE QUIET!!!
  • Stop! We can't let Eggman know we're here!
  • Lets just say that walruses trained in ballroom dance wasn't the most non-suspicious distraction.
  • "I will have to use stealth instead" said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.
    • We jumped out a windowwwww!
  • Here's some key phrases from the 'Surreptitious Entry Heist Manual': Be the breeze. *KLANG* Light as a feather. *CRASH BONG* The footfall of a kitten. *KRASH KLANGKING BOM CRASHSHSHSHSH*
  • With Catlike Tread, (CLASH)
    upon our prey we steal! (CLASH)
    In silence dread, (CLASH)
    our cautious way we feel! (CLASH)
    No sound at all, (CLASH)
    we never speak a word, (CLASH)
    a fly's footfall would be distinctly heard!
  • DON'T WORRY, DEARIE! GRANDMA KNOWS HOW TO STAY QUIET!
  • Yes, we can!

Day of the Tentacle

• What part of the word "now" didn't you understand?
  • What am I, a Terminator?
  • O.
• Has anyone ever been hurt in this thing?

Dead Island

• Who do you voodoo, Bitch?
  • A non-believer once started to laugh, So I launched a fireball up his punk-ass! Then everybody heard him squeal "This voodoo shit's for real!"

Deadpool (2013)

• Hmm, how much C-4 is this gonna take?
  • Yes.
  • According to my analysis results...
    • Cancel analysis!

Def Jam Series

• What? You don't recognize your girl's hair when you see it?
  • I'm blind, Carl. Not stupid.

Deltarune

• Your machine sucks ass. Is that OK?
  • My Anilingutron 2000 appears to be working efficiently. Excellent.
  • Delusional machines. What's the universe going to come up with next?
  • You bet your arse my gizmo works! (Maybe!) I just push this button... I said, I push this button... Damnit, this stupid button!
  • You are so rude! Now you will see the 2.0 version of the bot, kiddo!
• Did you eat all the pie!?
  • I've had apple, I've had cherry, blue and straw and boysenberry, but of all the pies they bake, key lime takes the cake!
  • I see it, I want it, it's mine.
  • I did not eat it! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not eat it! I DID NOT!
• YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Pr1ce Sallamy] JUST TO KEEP ME OUT!?
  • Salami? Salami! Salami?! Salami!?! Salami?!?! Salami!?!?! Salami?!?!?! Salami!?!?!?!
  • I've got salami, so everything's fine!
  • I did not do that! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not do that! I DID NOT!
• To my people, I’m a hero. To you?
  • I'm the first member of the DK crew!
  • I am a superstar warrior!
  • I am a Master Builder!
  • I am Iron Man!
  • A petty tyrant.
• GOD FUCKING dammit KRIS where the FUCK are we!?
  • Might be mountains if it were not Barcelona. (Pigeons on the grass alas...)
  • I told you that if we met again it would be here.
  • This is the Evergreen Forest. Quiet, peaceful, serene...that is, until Bert Raccoon wakes up!
  • We're in the World of Thematic Resolution, Susie! It's a needed climax!
  • Don't you realize you're a part of me?

Destiny 2

• I am, by the only standard that matters or will ever matter, the winning team. Existence is a test that most will fail. Would you not count yourself among the victorious few?
  • As long as I get money from the winning team.

Destroy All Humans! 2

• Alright, hit me again with the part about Bongwater’s blimps.
  • YOU ASKED FOR IT!
  • I'm sorry, that must be phrased in the form of a question.
    • I missed the part where that's my problem.

Devil May Cry 4

• Is sanity the price to pay…FOR POWER?!
  • I'm mean, you all just risked your lives to save me. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
  • No amount of power is worth trading your soul.

Devil May Cry 5

• What form of power is this?
  • Shadow, be careful, that is the power of Sprite.
  • Wow. I never imagined I'd get the pleasure of wiping the floor with you again.
• How's it feel to be rescuing the guy that killed your father?
  • It feels like the first time... it feels like the very first time...
  • I don't care.

Diablo Immortal

• Do you guys not have phones?
  • I tweet the old-fashioned way: by stapling a note onto a bird.
  • Cell Phones Are Useless.
• Is this an out-of-season April Fool's joke?
  • If only it were.

Disco Elysium

• One moment you're running like the wind, then you've suddenly turned around and are giving him the finger. Furiously, with both hands. Why?!
  • I want to rub it in his face when I beat him so bad he can't get up anymore.

Dispatch

• Why you accepting hugs from old people you don't know?
  • Hugs, not drugs! …I’m also on drugs.
• You gonna eat those twinks?
  • Good night, everybody!
• You gonna gimme diarrhea?
• Am I going to make a fool of myself if I sing Whitney Houston?

Dissidia Final Fantasy (2015)

• Why must every single person meddle in my plans!?
  • Fate foretells that your plans will fail before they were even made.

Donkey Kong (1981)

• How high can you try?
  • Ah, do not laugh at my attempted C!
• How high can you get?
  • I'm so f**king high right now!
  • I do not know if I'm high or sparkling wine!
  • I'm so high right now, I'm having YOUR hallucinations.
  • So high that I can kiss the sky!
  • He needs to get a job instead of getting high.
  • Back off, you fucking jackass! This here crack is for the children to get high!
  • So high that I Can See My House from Here!
  • As high as one hundred billion trillion light years from Earth.
  • Eight miles high and when you touch down, you'll find it's stranger than known.

Don't Starve

• Weaponized bees. What could go wrong?
  • A deadly bee weapon. Bees. My God.
  • Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah my eyes! my eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!
  • Fucking... bees? That's all this is? I'm not allergic to bees, asshole!
  • Every- How dare you penetrate my territory? You have robbed everything I possessed. You knoe (sic), what you've done to me is simply unforgivable. I'll punish you myself and see to it that you die a miserable death with my awesome weapon. Die, Maggots.
  • I thought you said you were here for some "divine bees" earlier? Maybe I'm crazy...

Dragon Age

• Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?
  • I got told off for doing that.
  • Hey man I'll try anything once, but I don't know, that sounds uncomfortable.
  • They triple dog dared me!
  • For research purposes only.
• Now that's just rude. What are they trying to do? Ruin my boots?
  • Tell your mama not to burn my shoes.

Duke Nukem 3D

• What are you waiting for?! Christmas?
  • Yeah, who wouldn't want free presents?
  • I thought Christmas only comes once a year?

Thy Dungeonman

• What wouldst thou deau?
  • Get ye flask.
    • You Can't Get Ye Flask
  • > restore Wow, you are such a suicidal maniac. Loading somebody else's save doesn't work on Zork, punk-ass cheater. For that, a spider that was sitting in the corner turns into Chuck Norris and whacks the living daylights out of you with a cup of tea.
  • Wouldst thou SHUTTETH THE FUCK UP?!
  • What befalls next is on thee! (What happens next is on you!)
  • The game hasn't started already, has it? We don't have to talk in Dorkinese yet, do we?
  • 👉 DO NOTHING

Earthworm Jim

• What color is Jim's red gun?
  • No idea, but I know it fires quickly!
  • Grey. It was for shooting red things.
  • I've got a big red one!
  • Duh. It's red all over and shoots red blasts.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

• Do you get to the Cloud District very often?
  • Where is Cloud District?
  • Is there even a Cloud District?
    • No, that's why I asked you about the Cloud District.
    • Please Don't Explain the Joke.

Escape from Monkey Island

• Do you have any idea how difficult it is to escape from Monkey Island?
  • I've never been there, so no, I don't.
  • I place its complexity somewhere above checkers and below World War II.

FAITH: The Unholy Trinity

• How do you make a portal to hell?
  • You can make one with 10 Obsidian and a Flint and Steel.
  • You can make one with a Mother Box and a Boom Tube.

Fallen Aces

• What the HELL did your mom feed YOU!?
  • Every single morning my mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast... It was driving me crazy.
• You all used to wear screwy getups like this?

Fallout 1

• May I be of service this glorious day?
• What kind of "services" do you offer?
• What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

Fallout: New Vegas

• Are you a maker of war, or peace?
  • Pizza.
    • That's reassuring, although many who've made that claim over the years have had less than pure intentions.
  • Warm.
  • I meant to start a war.
  • You want us at war with the humans, and now you have it.
  • I wage war on the whole damn world because of my tenacity!
  • Well, corpses are remarkably non-violent.
• Ki- killed her? Why would you do something like that?
  • She missed my wake-up call.
  • You people voted for Hubert Humphrey! And you killed Jesus!
  • By killing her I took her physical life, but saved her life eternal. You see how all things serve the will and the mind of God? You see, you meddling little shit?!
    • You're telling me I can kill as many people as I want and I won't go to hell?
  • You'd think killing people might make them like you, but it doesn't. It just makes them dead.
  • Oh, c'mon guys, I killed your father and yours. And most of Zangief's extended family, it was a different time.
  • I'm bored and I need attention!
  • I killed Shadi Smith with a bottle because I'm an evil human being, isn't that enough?
  • That's for John Lennon, you Yankee fuckin' cunt!
  • A mistake born of rage. I seek redemption.
  • That hussie was getting too big for her jodhpurs.
  • You stomped her because she was a drunken whore, and she treated you like shit!
  • You killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were only thinking about yourself.
  • Bitch had it comin'.
  • I'm not the one who killed her!
  • I'm a Decepticon! It was a reflex!
  • Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and then I realized, y'know, he's just working out, and how would I feel if somebody comes running into the gym and busts me on my ass when I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this, uh, snarling beast guy and I noticed he was holding a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, he ain't no real threat there. And I saw Little Tiffany, and I'm thinking, y'know, 8-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She's 'bout to start some shit, Zed. She's about 8 years old, those books are way too advanced for her! If you ask me, I say she's up to something. And if I'm being honest, I'd really appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. Or do I owe her an apology?
• But where do you get protein?
  • You just have to add a little protein.
  • Step 1: Protein. Step 2: Protein. Step 3, 4 and 5: MORE PROTEIN.
  • From the Poke-Mart.
  • Well, this is protein powder for my drink, right? While these are a mix of other supplements. Then we've got some energy bars, for energy obviously. Then this is another protein powder that I just like to eat as is.
  • We got protein in all the colors of the rainbow.
  • Urectum.
  • Protein, Protein, Protein, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck...
• Come on, he's just a convict. How bad could he be?
  • How ba-a-a-ad can I be, I'm just doin' what comes naturally.
  • He killed eighty people over two days.
  • He's not a convict, he's an omniversal threat.
• I don't know what you've been smoking, but where can I get some?
  • I'm not smokin', I'm breathin'!
  • I-I... I don't like tobacco!
• Do you seriously think you have what it takes to build a nation? Carve out a frontier, train troops, build roads, and create towns?
  • My sycophant tells me "Yes".
  • Did anyone else read that in Sean Bean's voice?

Far Cry 3

• Did I ever tell you... the definition of insanity?
  • When did you?
  • Insanity. Noun. A disorderly state of mind. There. Now shut up about it and go torture McLovin.
  • You! You're the definition! You!
  • Maybe the real definition of insanity was the friends we made along the way…

Final Fantasy VI

• Life…Dreams…Hope…Where do they come from? And where do they go?
  • Nonsense.
  • Where do you come from? Where do you go? Where you come from, Cotton-Eyed Joe?
  • THIS is the stuff that dreams are made of!

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth

• What's this weirdo doing here?
  • Instead of saying weirdo, I think friend's a better name.
    • Did I stutter?
    • Uhh...no.

Final Fantasy VII Remake

• Wait…was that all of 'em?
  • Still some left?
  • What? You wanted more?
  • Don't get so excited, boys.. Those were the EASY ones..
• Why do you have to be such a hardass, bro?
  • I got this metal ass in 'Nam! Defending this country for lazy jerks like you!
• If you don't require our services…THEN TELL ME! Is there any reason I shouldn't have dragged outside and shot for wasting my VALUABLE TIME?!
  • HA HA HA—No. Should there be?
• As everyone knows, villains only divulge their evil plans in a certain situation. But what is that situation?
  • …Christmas?
  • WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN IN THE CITY
  • Bitch, please! I divulge in my evil plans at all times...because I can!

Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator

• What is paragraph 4?
  • Page 62, 'Johnny Cage dies'? Is someone high?!
  • There is no paragraph 4.
  • "The party of the fourth part shall be known in this contract as the party of the fourth part."

Freedom Planet

• Can't you be Little Miss Heropants some other time?
  • How about Sunrise Land!?

Fuga: Melodies of Steel

• Are there people in the machines we blow up?
  • I'm sure they don't feel much except cold, supposing our safeguards stay in place, of course.
  • Look! I can see their parachutes. They're okay.
  • "They're just robots, Morty! It's OK to shoot them, they're just robots!" *PEW* "They're not robots, Rick!" "It's a figure of speech, Morty! They're bureaucrats, I don't respect them!"
  • These machines are pure machines with no man inside.

Full Throttle

• Whaddya got for a headache?
  • A mind break pill.

Game Boy Camera

• Who are you running from?
  • The wicked flee when no one pursues.
  • I'm runnin' down a dream.
  • Red.
  • I run toward danger, not from it.
  • I don't run, I chase.
  • RUN TO AVOID GETTING KILLED.

Gloomwood

• Inside at last, are ya?

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

• Does the Pope shit in the woods?
  • No, but Gladly does.
  • Does that mean the bear is Catholic?
  • What am I? A forest ranger?

Guilty Gear -STRIVE-

• Can you collect a bounty on someone who doesn't die?
  • Technically, my contract doesn't say I must kill him. It says I must "prove he has no life."
• Is every day Halloween?
  • If only it were.

• Did you just color me blue with my own attack? This can't count, right? Surely this doesn't count?
  • Sho'Nuff!
  • You're blue now. That's my attack!
  • Any attack I deal against you can and does count, whether you like it or not. And another thing: DO NOT call me "Shirley"!

Hitman: Absolution

• I-I got wood, man. Why do I got wood?
  • It's called an erection. Well, it's either that or malaria. Don't worry, they've got pills for everything these days.

Hollow Knight

• But... in the end? If strength cannot save you, then what can...?
  • Flash! A-ah! He'll save every one of us!

hololive ERROR

• You still haven't...realized, have you?
  • Realize what?
    • A well a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word!
    • I know your UNATCO killphrase: "Laputan Machine."
  • No, I definitely have.
  • You are incapable of harming me.
    • I'm not so sure...

Hotel Mario

• How are we going to find the princess with the power going out?
  • The same way you always do.
  • Let me light your way, sir. You just fell into my trap!
  • I can't see a thing, but it's around somewhere!
  • I'll look and she is...here!
    • Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle.
• You bring a light?
  • I don't bring a light, nor do I bring light. I am the light. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!

• Do you like hurting other people?
  • It's just a movie...
  • I take pride in a job well done.
  • To kill for yourself is murder. To kill for your government is heroic. To kill for entertainment is harmless.
    • it is good job to kill for my country but better job to kill for my country FOR MYSELF
  • I take no joy in that. I take no pleasure in it. But we either chose to win this war and live free, or lie down and let you enslave us. Torture us. Kill us.
  • I'm a monster. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.
  • I wanna hurt you just to hear you screamin' my name!
  • Oh, and you think I enjoy this? I'm sick and tired of always being the bad guy! What I do has to be done!
  • I loooovvveee hurting people! I loooovveee beating people up!
  • I find everyone's pain funny but my own. I'm French.

Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number

• Isn't it lunch time?
  • I'd make myself a snack... BUT THERE'S NO TIME!
    • Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
  • "You've got five minutes!" "Wow, one more minute than yesterday!"
• You're not suppose to be here. We had a deal, didn't we?
  • 'I'm not even supposed to be here today', you sound like an asshole!
  • A deal? I am not a god of my word, Reptile. All deals are off!
  • Fool! You made a deal with the devil! And now you'll reap the reward! Which is... this reward. The devil may have inadvertently dropped the ball on this one.
  • I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
  • Mr. Saikou, the deal is off.
  • moint pan you do not know this deal is not for you!

House of the Dead

• What the hell's going on with the city?
  • All the cities in the world will become a part of my collection.
  • The city never lets me down!
  • This city is insidious, I'm sitting here delirious.
  • It's all illusory; it's ill and it's for losers.
  • This city is afraid of me. I've seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!" ...and I'll look down, and whisper "No."
  • I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion. I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am. She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy.
  • The city's a flood and our love turns to rust.
• Suffer like G did?
  • Congratulations, there is now a G-Tier.
  • No. Not even him. There's been enough suffering.

House Party (2017)

• Howz it goin', dude? Stayin' away from the alcohol?
  • Almost ten *Hic* days sober.
  • I do not know if I'm high or sparkling wine!
  • I drink meself under the table, I drink meself under a rock. I drink until I pass out, or maybe go into shock. I drink meself under a door frame or maybe a barroom stool. I drink until I fall down into a vomity pool. Cheers!
  • Shit. I'm fuckin' wasted and you're just sitting there.

Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis

• Was that an insult?
  • Was it an Insult to Rocks?
  • You figure it out.
  • Wait a minute, that was an insult!

Injustice: Gods Among Us

• People you love tend to blow up, don't they?
  • Darn you! I won't forgive you, FRIEZA!!!
    • What? How can you still have that much power? Could it be...you're—

Injustice 2

• We're both dead! How are we here?
  • Negative Continuity.
  • Dream Match Game.
  • Not Too Dead to Save the Day.
  • Rumors of our deaths were exaggerated.
  • Maybe it was the... bears.
  • This must be the work of Kronika.
  • If only... If only you hadn't come back! Once I defeat you, this will all be over!
  • You’re comic book superheroes! Death Is Cheap!
  • It isn't too hard to see. We're in Heaven.
• After I win, wanna get pizza?
  • Peace-ahh? Pizza! Your wish is my command!
    • Bitch!
  • Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!
    • Mummy, this meat is tough, dry, and flavorless. I hate you, Mummy!
  • I'll buy that for a dollar.
  • Loser buys at Jitters.
    • Oh, you're gonna regret saying dat.
  • Loser buys.
    • You mean it's on Batman.
  • Two words: Beef. Bourguignon.
    • That was your last chance.
  • I think it's time, to order a pep-pep-pep-pepperoni pizza!
    • Aah the pepeloni, pepeloni. You know the pepeloni? The no one? I always- I always order the domino, domino pepeloni; and without pepeloni. I always order the pepeloni and without pepeloni. Pepeloni!
  • I ordered the pizza, so give me the pizza and fuck off, or I'll shove them crystals right up me dingo!
    • ...You know, that sounded a little negative to me.
• Is that fact, or mere hyperbole?
  • I only state observable facts.
  • Just the facts, ma'am.
  • I don't mean it metaphorically, or rhetorically, or poetically, or theoretically, or any other fancy way!
  • It ain't hyperbole if it's true.
  • What you say's at least one six billionth true!
• Are you in pain?
  • Cyborgs do not feel pain. I do.
  • Pain is weakness leaving the body.
  • Pain and I are old friends.
  • No, because I can't feel pain.
  • I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
• Should I summon the shark?
  • a
  • Famous Last Words.
  • That would be incredibly impolite.
  • "I'm having fish tonight!"
  • Shove it up your ass.
  • You said to swim in the water and to blow the shark whistle. I swam in the water, so now I'm gonna blow the whistle!
  • I don't think the world is ready for a Sharknado reboot.
  • It will bend to my will!

The Jackbox Party Pack

• I ask myself this every Christmas season: "What the *%@# is myrrh?"
  • Myrrh is a character from Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones.
  • Go Google it, you trash.
• Maybe this is the virus speaking, but why aren't there any birds in space?
  • Personally, they prefer the air.
• Why can't emergencies have calm alarms and soothing noises?

Jetpack Joyride 2

• Are you enjoying the Labyrinth of the Great Minertaur?
  • You're the Great Minertaur, aren't you?
    • A better question would be… are you a narc?
  • It's a piece of cake.
    • So the Labyrinth's a piece of cake, is it? Now let's see how you deal with this little slice.
• Did you idiots let the coffee machine set the difficulty levels again?
  • Bitch, what difficulty levels?

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven

• Will you betray me someday?
  • Don't worry — I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you.
  • I've never betrayed anyone in my entire life.
  • Not unless you did something lame, or stupid, or uncool.
  • I find your lack of faith amusing.

Kahoot!

• Were you tooooooo fast?
  • You went too fast- test failed. *explodes*
  • You're too slow!
  • TOO FAST! YOU LOSE, I WIN!
  • 200CC STANDS FOR 200 CUBIC CENTIMETRES OF POOP IN MY PANTS!
  • Another junkie lives too fast!
  • Nope. You're just toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sllllllllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww............
  • We only got two speeds: Fast and faster.
  • Sorry for that little lapse, officer. Normally, I drive right around the speed limit.

Kid Icarus: Uprising

• Come on now, think about it. If I was a copy, why would I kick my own butt?
  • Because mirror matches are fair.
  • Clones.
  • Kill and Replace.
  • I'm afraid of/annoyed by/hate other me.
  • There Can Be Only One.
    • ONLY TWO BIZARRO ALLOWED!
  • Don't beat yourself up over it.
  • Of course you wouldn't! You always aim for the groin.
  • Wouldn't that mean you'll be attacking your foot with your butt?
  Oh yeah?! Try my-nuts-to-your-fist style!
  • You're comparing yourself to ME? Ha! You're not even good enough to be-
    • I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS!
  • Descendents wants to be clones, and they would kick their butts any day!
  • Save it. Time to kick my ass.
  • If Chuck Norris had a fight with himself, he would win.
  • You're angry that Nintendo wouldn't give you your own moveset in the fourth Super Smash Bros... And then you got demoted to echo fighter.
  • Let's You And You Fight.
  • It must be a side effect to violating rule 675. and 954.
  • I was created for the sole purpose of destroying you!
  • Because the original is planning to steal the 7 Chaos Emeralds.
  • Hey, you hurt you.
  • That's my face. You're meat, beanhead.
  • When I think about you... I kick myself.
  • Look, I don't feel like talking about this, so let's just get with the brawlin' and see who's the real one, okay?
  • Fresnel diffraction? The Zeno effect?
    • Palmer said, 'Investigate before you instigate.'
  • Every once in a while I pull out the old SNES, and I beat the shit out of myself. It makes me feel better somehow.
  • How about we keep this between me, myself, and I?
  • So fucking what if I'm not you!?
  • We were mirror images, literal carbon copies. But I was alive. Taylor wasn't. Not really. I had a sense of humour. Taylor had a coldness that enclosed her like a shield. The kid could see this. Anybody could.
  • Oh, well, I guess if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass, thanks.
  • Me, myself and I don't get along...
  • I can't believe it, I'm so... annoying.
  • I hate you, guy who looks like me!
  • You are not me! You're not me!

The King of Fighters

• ARE YOU OKAY?
  • I'm not okay, I'm not okay. Well, I'm not okay, I'm not o-fucking-kay!
  • I'm still okay.--I'm not okay...
  • It happened again and I'm not okay!
  • Everything is going to be okay... Everything is going to be okay...
  • Well, I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you
    I wanna make you move because you're standing still

• Is that how you talk to someone that saved your life?
  • You didn't save my life, you ruined my death!
  • This rescue STINKS! I've never been so humiliated in me blessed life! I have a dimly old dullard for a husband, with a scrawny tree for a sidekick! I'd be better off savin' meself!
  • I had him on the ropes.
    • Sure you did.
  • Worst! Rescue! Ever!
  • Because you're just the Lesser of Two Evils!

Kingdom Hearts I

• How will you fight without a weapon?
  • I am a weapon.
  • Hand to hand! It is the basis of all combat!
  • Where we're fighting, WE DON'T NEED WEAPONS!
  • I'll take your blades when you're through with them.
• Kairi's inside me?
  • Good night, everybody!
  • Hey, I can hear her too. How many kids you got in there?
  • FRIEND INSIDE ME.
    FRIEND INSIDE ME.
• Don't get me wrong, I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father?
• Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water?

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

• Who else will I have ice cream with?
  • I want some ice cream, chocolate would be good!
  • I am not a thing you can just use to fill emotional voids with.
  • I want ice cream. Chocolate mint, orange sorbet, strawberry. In that order, from top to bottom. ...Actually, make the middle one cheesecake and the very bottom one raspberry.
  • I'll take a banana split. Uhp! One scoop vanilla. One scoop chocolate, one scoop strawberry. Uhp! Put the strawberry in the middle! And now hot fudge. Uhp! Only on the vanilla and chocolate! Put regular fudge on the strawberry. Now some whipped cream. Hey-Hey-Hey-He-ey, easy! Little more... Little more... Little more only on the vanilla! Kinda fill in that space right there. Stop! Now some nuts! Uhp. No nut dust. Now, this is the complicated part. No green sprinkles on the chocolate. Yes, green sprinkles on the strawberry. But both no red sprinkles. Except on the vanilla, which should receive exclusively red sprinkles!
  • The River City School Board.

• Somebody tell me how I got so SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!
  • One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small...
    • Endless nameless + Vurp + One makes you small. Or, if you prefer, Placebo + 48 Hour Energy + One makes you small.
  • THE MUSHROOM, OF COURSE!

Kingdom Hearts III

• How did I live in a kingdom of thieves and people who say things they don't really mean?
  • Zozo? Never heard of it.
• I really don't get what everyone else believes, so why do I say things I don't really mean?

Last Scenario

• Are you the Consul?
  • I am only a secretary. The Consul is very busy.
    • Busy? Busy doing what? Staring at a wall? A guy standing in the park, all by himself, saying he's busy. He looks like the least busy person in the world!

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

• Isn’t Master Kohga really dreamy?
  • Who is Master Kohga?
    • I’ll do you one better… Who CARES about Master Kohga?
    • I pity the fool.

• Lamp oil? Rope? Bombs? You want it?
  • Give them to me. Now.
• You DARE bring light into my lair?!
  • YOUR TOO BRIGHT
  • And I might do it again!
  • Well, I'll throw a little light on this subject.

• You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
  • A Fate Worse than Death? Probably.
  • They tortured me, Launchpad! They ate my pancakes!
  • They locked me in a shoebox! A shoebox on September! A shoebox on 21st September! And the 21st of September made me crazy!

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

• Do you want to hear what I said again?
  • No!
    • But Thou Must!.
  • Actually, I think I missed some of it. Yes please.
  • NO! I mean... Heh.
  • I think I got it, but just in case, tell me the whole thing again. I wasn't listening.
  • I listened, but then I had a small piece of fluff in my ear. Could you say it again please, Rabbit?
  • Are the only options that or death?
• Can Hyrule's destiny really depend on such a lazy boy?
  • Oh, boy, you are in for a show tonight, son.
  • Shut up you punny little geek!
  • I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot alike, Daddy.

LEGO Dimensions

• All this for a green square?!
  • No. You did that for a job.
  • Wow, they have it! SQUARE

LEGO Island

• What's the fastest you've ever driven?
• Pepper, what are you doing?
  • They were all in love with dyin', They were doing it in Texas.
  • I'm systematically poisoning the dinosaurs' water supply! In a matter of decades, their entire species will be extinct!
  • Is this some sort of trick question, or what?
  • Going undercover.

LEGO Ninjago: Shadow of Ronin

• Why don't bad guys ever worship kittens? Or muffins?
  • Evil has no place for cuteness.

LEGO Racers

• Hey, guys, when did you last see a digger win a race?
  • You drive like you fix roads: Lousy! Have fun fishing, Mater.
  • He never did win no checkered flags, but he never came in last.

Live A Live

• Did I not do all that was asked? Did I not serve and seek my fair and just reward?

LSD: Dream Emulator

• Is this legal?
  • I will make it legal.

Mario Teaches Typing

• Oh, nice computer you've got here! Can I have it?
  • There's some real barnyard stuff on there. If you do take it, make sure to clear the internet history. In fact, just uninstall the browser, scrub that thing clean! Seriously, they will take us both to jail.
  • Am I the type to share things with you?

Marvel Rivals

• What do you know of vampires?
  • In what continuity?

Marvel vs. Capcom 3

• If you can be a god, then what shall we call Galactus?
  • Umm, Galactus?
  • The final boss.
    • No. Your new name is Mid-Boss.
  • Not a god.
  • A glutton.
  • Why do you laugh in the face of your own destruction?
    • Because you've got a ridiculous purple helmet and your eyes look like Bejeweled pieces.
    • Deadpool laughs at who he likes.
    • People suffering... People hurting... People dying... It's all so fucking hysterical! Laugh. Laugh with me!
    • This is wonderful, it's funny; the fact that we are dying.
    • Are you satisfied? I've laughed myself to...^*...Death?
  • Dead.
  • A monosaccharide.
  • My next victim.
• What's the point of all this fighting?
  • Who knows? Let's get brunch!
  • I usually ask myself the same thing.
• Ugh. You kiss your mother with that face? Geez.
  • Well sometimes, but not... recently.
• What, can't afford the rest of the suit?
  • Never Heard That One Before.
• How much of that suit is bionic?
  • Just me and my alien war machine.
• Hey! Yeah, you! I'm down here busting my ass while you sit on yours, watching me jump around? How is that fair?
  • I don't see you on the front lines! Sure, let me do all the work, while you just sit back like the fat gorilla you are!
  • I can see by the look in your eye you want to get a bigger piece of the pie. One day, you'll get your chance, but in the meantime, you've got to dance, monkey, dance!

Mass Effect 2

• Anyone ever miss those talks we had on the elevators?
  • No. Geez, those were dull.
  • I never understood why you kept wanting to speak on the subject of the elevators in the first place.
  • Well, they were strictly better than a minute-and-a-half of dead silence.
  • No. Especially when I had to put up with the sushi delivery guy.
  • When the guy with a star symbol said "Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?", I knew I should have taken the stairs...
  • I remembered the girl. We'd had a problem with her in the elevator. My attorney had made a fool of himself.
  • Well, I don't miss a thing.
• “Unit … has an … inquiry. Does this unit have a … soul?”
  • Oh, puh-lease! I have no soul.

Master Detective Archives: Rain Code

• Do you...have to vomit them out every time?
  • How many times do I have to say it...if you have the urge to vomit, DON'T.
• Can you solve every mystery, my master detective?
  • Paranormal investigator. Get it right.
  • NOW GO SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF WHY YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOB!
  • Why don't you try to solve the mystery of who put that mud in the freezer?

Metal Gear

• Metal Gear?
  • Huh? You're familiar with it?
    • ...No. Just... had to blurt it out.
  • METAL GEEEEEEEAAAAARRRR!!... What the heck is a Metal Gear?
  • Stop saying Metal Gear!!

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

• How's an honest warmonger supposed to make a living?
  • Warmongering? Marauding?
    • Worked for Smaug.
  • Rule of Acquisition #34: War is good for business.
    • No, not that Rule 34.
    • Doesn't that Manual mean it's time to start the Hinamizawa Disaster?
  • Meet my friend, the Warmonger!

Metal Gear Solid

• What am I fighting for?
  • Your right to party.
  • Companion Cube
  • A better voice actor.
  • Just surrender and it won't hurt at all.
  • EXP?
    • EXecution Points?
  • My Friends!
    • Do not make friends, no friends.
  • For the Krusty Krab!
    • BECAUSE HE TOLD ME TOOOOOOO!
  • The new order.. or the old order... depends on who you think is king.. or you can just fight for the sake of fighting...
    • Then maybe we need a NEW WORLD ORDER.
  • For the Lulz, that's what.
    • It's more fun to do it For the Evulz.
  • For the Users.
  • Most nights, I don't know anymore...
  • One, two, three . . .
  • A girl.
  • Heheh, you know, it's funny. I don't even remember anymore...
    • ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!
    • I was stupid... so stupid!
    • Hahahaha, oh my god, no! Could you imagine, two years and that's what I give you?! Man, that'd be unsatisfying!
  • To save my friends. And by "save", I mean "blow the fucking crap out of them".
  • First person to start shooting at random gets a cupcake.
  • Fight for the future.
    • I believe in my future, farewell to the shadow.
  • ME FIGHT FOR LIES, INJUSTICE, AMERICAN WAY!
  • To save the world… for cake.
  • We must fight — to run away.
  • A true fool keeps on fighting, even when there is no more glory to be gained. Step over to a board and make your mark! Show us how foolish you truly are!
  • Who knows? Let's get brunch!
  • The answer lies in the heart of the battle.
  • To get the Golden Ending
  • Why Spike?
  • 100% Completion.
  • For my personal benefit of being able to easily rule over 100 billion trillion universes.
  • You know it's true. Everything I do...I do it for you.
  • I’ll do it for the fatherland! Or something. I don’t know.
• You like Castlevania, don't you?
  • Hold up... Crash Bandicoot? Seriously? You played that??
  • Why?

• Kept you waiting, huh?
  • I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!
  • It's been 3,000 years...
  • The wait is ogre!
  • Ah! After ten-thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!
    • Alpha! Rita's escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers with attitude!
  • I could have just taken my time and forgotten about you altogether.
  • The waiting is the hardest part.
• Who are the Patriots?
  • Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
  • An American Football team from New England.
  • I am all the Patriots.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

• You're crocked, aren't you?
  • I'm so shitfaced.
• Who's afraid of a little thunder?
  • Water and Flying types. But not Ground types.
  • You were bluffing.
  • Never stopped me before.
  • Dogs.
• Major, why do they keep exploding...?
  • STOP EXPLODING, YOU COWARDS!
  • Eggs don't explode!
  • Blowing up is good for you! Clears those arteries out!

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

• Why are we still here? Just to suffer?
  • You're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: a hero.
  • I WAS PROGRAMMED TO FIND YOU. THAT IS WHAT I DO. THAT IS ALL I DO. THERE YOU ARE. SHUTTING DOWN...
  • The dead don't suffer. That's why you and I are still here.
  • Because you touch yourself at night.
  • Do you wish for your life to be oh so perfect?
  • Kronika's will shall soon be fulfilled...
  • Because you can't forget the feeling, can you? The feeling you have when you...when you two dance together, when you play, when you sing. They cursed you, humiliated you, even slammed the door in your face, but they still haven't made you forget, have they?
  • I don't know. Why are you there? Where are you? Kenya?
• Now do you remember? Who you are? What you were meant to do?
  • I do. And my purpose is to erase you from history so I can fix my downer future.
  • I remember… business…

Metroid Fusion

• Is your objective clear?
  • Affirmative.
• Any objections, Lady?
  • My mission objective is to terminate you. Skynet commands it.

Metroid: Zero Mission

• Could I survive long enough to escape?
  • I thought you can run super fast at twice the speed of sound?

• Hey, relax. We're the good guys. Justice will prevail and all that stuff... right, Samus?
  • Justice? JUUUUUSTIIIIICE?!
  • Thanks for helping me discover my true power. I promise to use it to uphold JUSTICE throughout the land! Until then, I guess I'll just wait here until someone needs my help.
  • Justice requires order.
    • Justice is blind, not heartless.

Midnight Club

• You reckon you got a chance against the Queen of Ki, I mean the King of Queens?
  • 100 percent.

Miitopia

• So, do you have a war cry that you use in battle?
  • BANZAI!
  • SPOOOOOON!
  • Imperius Rex!
  • Forth, Éorlingas!
  • Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!
  • Run And Live!
  • It's Clobberin' Time!
  • Goongala!
  • Bring My Brown Pants!
  • LEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!
  • Hawkaaa!
  • ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!
  • LOK'TAR OGAR!
  • CARLSON & PETERS!
  • WAAAAAAGH!
  • Try not to die.
  • FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB!
    • BECAUSE HE TOLD ME TOOOOOO!
  • Yo, Joe!
  • Exterminaaaaaaaate!
  • Victory is life!
  • Deus Vult!
  • Evil, meet my sword! SWORD, MEET EVIL!!
  • Remember the Maine!
    • I'll never forget it!
  • BAKUSHIN BAKUSHIN BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHIN BAKUSHIN BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHINSHIN!

Monster Girl Quest

• Walk into people's houses and take things...? Are you a thief or something?
  • What are you implying? I'm no little thief! I'm... Bowser, the Remorseless King of Evil! So I'll take what I want! And I want THIS!
  • It's not 'Stealing.' It's 'Adding to my Inventory'.
  • What? It's free!
  • What does it say about me as a person that my first instinct is to rifle through her desk for useful items?
  • Hey, look, I'm the hero here. Will you quit accusing me of stealing things?
  • Hey! Call me a treasure hunter, or I'll rip your lungs out!
  • Look who's calling who a thief!
  • I steal only what I can't afford... And that's EVERYTHING!
  • Borrowed! Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of giving it back to you.
  • I'm not a thief, Airk!
    • He's not a thief ...are you?
  • I see it, I want it, it's mine.

Mortal Kombat 1

• I thought I had daddy issues, but you?
  • I mean, my mom is weird and collects seashells. Your dad levels cities and attacks innocent people. So...they've all got their quirks, you know?
  • My relationship with Dad was much more...much more complicated than yours was. It was prevaricated a lot on secrets and lies. There wasn't a lot of trust there.
• How are you such a simpleton?
  • There is no point in insulting a machine.
• Why did I agree to let your film crew in the palace?
  • "Look, I have a rubber penis." "Ahhh..."

Mortal Kombat 4

• How do you rule a realm with no one in it!?
  • Hmm... Well, I hadn't really thought about it, actually. Gloat, I suppose; cackle wickedly amid the ashes, sort of thing?
  • Dunno. Glue it back together I suppose.
  • Whaaat?! You...! Think before you speak! You think my plan is s-stupid?! You'll pay for your rudeness!
  • Not sure what I'll do with it, but I'll figure something out.
  • I'll kill them until it's only me, me alone in a quiet world.
  • I'm not sure he has a reason. I think it's more like... an instinct.
  • I will shred this universe down to its last atom, and then, with the Stones you’ve collected for me, create a new one, teeming with life that knows not what it is lost but only what it is been given. A grateful universe.
  • I will rule the universe, even if I am the only one LEFT in the universe!
  • My reign is one where people do not live to see it.

Mortal Kombat X

• So, what does it take to join your club?
  • The leadr sed, you have to batlle me. if you win the battle, you ... uh can join
  • If you can find all five of us by tomorrow morning, I'll teach you the code!
  • Anyone can join! It's exclusive!
  • All members must be able to kick a ball out of the yard.
  • You must draw a funny picture of Mr. Ratburn to join.
  • By the mystic regulation
    Of our dark Association,
    Ere you open conversation
    With another kindred soul,
    You must eat a sausage-roll!

Mortal Kombat 11

• Can someone, anyone, explain to me what the hell is going on?
  • So, obviously I know exactly what's going on, but if anybody wants to tell me so we can, you know, compare notes and stuff...
  • Well, there was this big misunderstanding and now my pen pal thinks I can fly! And I don't think I ever meant it, but now I have to! If he doesn't see me fly and I don't know how! If I don't fly, he'll die disappointed! I made a horrible mistake, Sandy! Please help!
  • So this big galoot here, right? He's all like, I have no seeeat! No seeat! And he won't shut up! But he won't stop, and we're all, we just can't do it buddy, OK? So we have no idea what to do. And this lug's getting surlier. He's not going away. And he has no seat! Nothing! Not a chance!^ContinuedSo we do some solid thinking and totally fail. No big seats! I mean, we got small seats! We can do a small seat, sure, but this guy's huge, so he's not gonna fit into a small one! Please! And it's kinda bugging me, 'cause I'm on my feet all day! I mean, I'd LOVE to sit in ANY seat. It's like, hey, pal, how about you try our job just once, y'know? It'd break him in two seconds! I work hard, Boss! Really hard! And this dude just sits through life?! So spoiled! It makes me ill! All the suffering in the world, and this guy's seating problem is urgent? Nooooooo! Ooooo!
  • Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil…
  • Don't know, but it's very similar to the 1998 Curien Case.
• Who hired this guy? What the fu(BEEP)?!
  • He probably only got the job through some sort of family connection, that's how stupid he is. That, or drug money.
  • The man who lives in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
  • Bow joined the party - like it or not!
  • You did.
  • Me? I thought you hired him!
  • Mark Cooper-Jones? Jay Foreman?
• Yeah, about that. What happened to Dark You, hmn?
  • How come you're an only child, and I've got an evil twin?
    • 1436. In case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brother on standby.
  • He became an Echo Fighter.
• Shouldn't you be alive?
  • It seems that reports of my... survival... have been greatly exaggerated.
  • Am I not?
  • We were mirror images, literal carbon copies. But I was alive. Taylor wasn't. Not really. I had a sense of humour. Taylor had a coldness that enclosed her like a shield. The kid could see this. Anybody could.
  • Of course. Stupid me. I died outside and the cold preserved my body. I forgot about dying.
  • Check result, she complete health but we can't explain why she quick dead.
• Page 62, 'Johnny Cage dies'? Is someone high?!
  • I'm so fucking high right now!
  • I'm feeling drunk and high, so high, so high!
• Who's the special guest villain?
  • You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you've encountered so far: the Romulans, the Klingons... They're nothing compared to what's waiting.
  • HO HO HO! I'm your bad guy this time!! HO HO HO!
  • I'm a throwaway villain! Fear my generic motives!
  • You may be a god, but to us, you'll always be a filler villain!
  • They're a rare breed of ninja called "forgettable movie villains". You've never heard of them, and after you've finished fighting them you won't remember it even happened, but for the next 90 minutes you'll think they're the biggest threat you've faced in your entire life!
  • You two careful, he is a big.
  • It's been Agatha all along!
  • Rastapopoulos!...Roberto Rastapopoulos! You've been trying to spike my guns for a long time... Me, Rastapopoulos, king of drug smugglers... Rastapopoulos, who went over a cliff near Gaipajama...and you thought I died... Rastapopoulos, alive and well... And as always, coming out on top...
  • And the mystery guest is...who's that?
• Was I such a poor mentor?
  • I've already mastered everything you have to teach me. But I decided to disregard all I learned from you. All your moves look retarded in addition to being completely useless in a fight. See ya loser!
  • You kinda suck as a mentor.
  • What the hell?! But I waxed off everything! I waxed off your car, I waxed off your house, I even waxed off your monkey!
• We have something in common?
  • You work for peanuts. A hearty "Well done!" from Her Majesty the Queen and a pittance of a pension. Apart from that, we are the same.
    • I live among the swells, and we don't pick up peanut shells, I'll have to leave that up to you.
  • Listen, Weasley! You are brash, arrogant, obnoxious, pushy, rude, and you dress funny. You're my kind of guy!
  • You and I are the same in the way that we have our own styles that we won't change.
  • We're not so different, you and I. It's true, you're British, and I'm Belgian. You have a full head of hair, mine is slightly receding. You're thin, I'm about forty pounds overweight. OK, we are different, I'm not making a very good point.
  • I'm not like you. You're a murderer.
  • Were we so different? They are a young species. They have much to learn... but I've seen goodness in them.
  • We're not the same! I'm not...no, wait. Maybe we are. You're right, yeah, OK. You've got a point. 'Cause I know what to do. I know what should happen. I know what you deserve. 'Exterminate'.
  • If that's true, then work with me. We want the same thing.
  • Predator and prey, the very same, both hate the bitter taste.
  • WE NOT SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL PUNY-BOY! WE BOTH ONLY THINGS TO HAVE LEGS!
  • We're nothing alike. You are programmed to lose!
  • Oh? Is this the we're-both-the-same card already?
  • I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things, too. So we're really not that different, me and you.
  • We're completely different. I'm gracefully tall, you're freakishly short.
  • I am rational, you are mad.
    • Not "mad", differently sane.
  • Bilateral symmetry!
• Were you afraid to face me head on?
  • You assume too much.
  • I don't run. I chase.
• Are we "Johnny Cages" or "Johnnies Cage"?
  • It's irrelevant, imbecile.
  • You're both nothing more than lying, cheating, worthless FAT-ASSES!
• Why are we listening to this snake?
  • This snake can bite more than it hisses.
  • We're going to need all the help we can get to put ourselves so high that God is placed at the bottom of the religious hierarchy.
  • Because when The Hollow Speaks, you better listen.
  • Don't worry. He's our snake now.
  • Graham, watch out! A POI-sonous snake!
  • A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how sssssnakelike I can be!
• You're not from around here, are you?
  • I'm from a place very far away called Context... It's such an unpleasant place that I spend almost all my time out of it.
  • We come from France.

Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance

• Does Reptile even HAVE goskies?
  • I know he has a bloody annoying Slide Attack.
  • Yes it's true. This man has no dick.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

• Since when can you beat anybody?!
  • This world...has some serious power balance issues!
  • He went from zero to hero!
  • Well, it seems like Garrus has finally worked that stick out of his butt, but now he's trying to beat guys to death with it.
  • Who's the hot mess now?
    • It's Chelsea Green!

Mother 3

• What did Porky do?
  • Stutter.
    • Everybody stutters one way or the other.
    • Did I stutter, bitch?
    • Dear girl, did I fucking stutter?
    • Did I eh-steah-steah-stutter?!
  • Who is Porky?
    • I'll do you one better: WHY... was he called Pokey in the last game?
    • I pity the fool.

The Museum of Anything Goes

• You're a real smarty, aren't you?
  • I am. Which I why I won't follow you.
  • I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
  • Don't worry, Noelle!! I'm stupid now!!
• What do you mean we all look alike?
  • Look, I really don't feel like talking about this, so let's just get with the brawlin' and see who's the real one, okay?
  • This world is now populated by people who act and look exactly just like me.
• Who can be content as just a link in the chain of evolution?
  • Most second evolution Pokémon.

The Mystery of the Druids

• Halligan! WHERE ARE MY SCISSORS?
  • I'd Tell You, but Then I'd Have to Kill You.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Presents "Detective"

• So did either of you guys see anything here remotely connected to detectives?
  • I only see suspicious activity coming from you.