is this normal in american schools now?

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-15T23:32:50+00:00

Where are the adults? Who is in charge?

These questions ring so true.
I started my career in a U.S. school, and I currently teach in Asia now.

This is not new. Schools and teachers have been losing respect and authority in the US for a long time. The school, as an institution, seems to command no respect anymore. Fancy expensive private schools are probably the only exception.

But just look at the country as a whole. Education has been crumbing for a long time. It’s a country with a lot of resources, so I hope to see a turn around, I really do, but the cultural consensus doesn’t seem to value the collective community, so basically it is just every man for himself, and many get left behind.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-15T14:19:57+00:00

I fed on demand, and for the first 2 months, I had to feed more frequently than every 2 hours.
During the day I fed very frequently because I wanted the night feeds to last every 2 hours or close to that. Sometimes I’d feed again after only 30 minutes during the day. Eventually, it worked and he would do longer stretches at night because he was tired at night.
It’s annoying, but feeding on demand is what worked for me and upped my production.
I never bottle fed because my son refused bottles.
I think it’s fine to use formula (would have done so myself had he taken bottles) but I couldn’t so that wasn’t part of my story. I think the constant breastfeeding did help boost my supply though, so there is a risk that depending on formula too much might be a problem for supply.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-15T10:58:09+00:00

I’m sorry that your kitchen is 30 degrees! Is there another place in your house that stays a bit cooler where you can have it cool down?

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-14T21:40:24+00:00

Skipping the sex and just hanging out

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-13T23:21:01+00:00

Your dearly departed father probably got that 300k from 1) working and 2) investing wisely.

I predict you’re going to be parting with it faster than you think.

Being employed does not mean you have to constantly answer to people who treat you poorly.

If you’re so set on not working for someone, why not take your inheritance and invest in some education? Start your own business?
You’ll probably realize the true value of work after you do that and realize how challenging it is.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-13T09:09:01+00:00

Honestly what makes the biggest impact is not easily adjusted, but room size. Living in an apartment with a large open living room, high ceiling/loft etc. is extremely wasteful when considering heating and cooling.
Think about the room you wish to spend the most time in during the summer. Get a place where that room is relatively compact and it has an aircon installed matched for the room size.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-13T08:45:34+00:00

A boy who is capable of fathering a child, and who accidentally does… this absolutely will change his life and might I dare say be traumatic.
Yes boys/men do not have to *carry* the child, but there are still very real consequences for fathering one. Also, the likeliness that the choice of abortion will be something they can make - I would argue they have even *less* agency for that.

(Anecdotally, I’m a mother to two sons, and I very much want to protect my boys from this.)

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-12T05:34:42+00:00

I think what works for a person just depends on the person.
I also got my period back early (7 weeks) and dealt with low supply and slow letdown for about 3 days every single period. What worked for me was popcorn. Ate it by the handfuls constantly throughout the day. Also sweet potatoes and beans. I would make chili a lot full of sweet potato chunks, kidney and black beans…also ate that with corn chips and that did well to load me up with calories.

I wouldn’t waste the money on the cookies if I were you. Just find things you can snack on constantly during the day and keep yourself hydrated, too. Try out different snacks and types of food and see if there is something that does it for you.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-12T05:26:21+00:00

Yep. 5th period is the worst.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-12T05:04:45+00:00

Daycare selection and applications start in the fall, with most applications due between mid October and early November. That’s the application for an April start for the following year.
If your wife can get a job lined up before October, set for an April start, that’s the best plan if she wants to work full time.
Talk with the social welfare office at your ward office/city hall, they can help you through the application process. Most employers understand the daycare system so they’re used to it.

Also, you can probably start using “ichiji-azukari” (part time) daycare right away. Yes, there might be limited spots for this as well, but if you look around a little bit in your area, there are lots of daycares that have different systems, especially private daycares (“ninkagai”). We used to use one private daycare and their system was a few full-time spots, but the rest of the spots were first-come, first-serve reservation basis. So, we sent our child about 5-7 times a month at first.

It is going to be hard navigating all of this if you don’t speak some Japanese though. Do you have a friend or kind coworker who can visit your ward office/ city hall with you?
Depending on where you are, they may offer some foreign-language information but it is much smoother if someone can help you.

Also,
Another thing you can ask about at the social welfare office is the location of community child-play centers. Every city has them; they are places where a parent has to stay with the child, but it is a free play center where there are toys and books, etc. nursing rooms and cribs and you meet other children and parents in your neighborhood. Usually they are staffed as well (mostly volunteer old ladies) so your child can get some attention/conversation from the staff when they play.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-11T13:23:12+00:00

Your idea that Pride is some kind of celebration of ‘sexual expression’ is way off. Yeah, that might be part of it for some people, but Pride is about making queer folk visible, and this includes queer *families*.

I live in Japan where same-sex marriage isn’t legal yet. My same-sex partner and I have two children, a 2 and 3 year old. We took our kids to Tokyo Pride this year, and everyone had a great and wholesome time.

Most of the Parade walkers are sporting their company or volunteer organization connections, everyone clothed and decent; many children walked in the parade with their queer families.

We stopped by at the early time of 11am, hit up some kids coloring booths and a few fun craft activities, then cheered for friends who walked in the parade. Of course we didn’t stay late. Kids take a nap around 2pm and we headed home then.

Just like many other festivals with multiple activities, you would probably see kids out with families during the early daytime activities like parades and game activities. As evening approaches, you wouldn’t see people taking their babies to the beer tent or the adult centered events. Pride is the same.
If you have an issue with the fact that the Pride you went to had too many adult events at the same time kids would be present, then that’s a festival organizer problem, not a problem with Pride itself.

Queer visibility is so important for us, especially since our family doesn’t even have rights here yet. Politicians here try to make arguments against the LGBTQ community by saying things like we don’t have kids and we will damage the already shrinking birth rate, etc.
They make families like ours completely invisible.
Yet, there are so many of us here. Going out to Pride is for us. It’s our chance to show people that we are families just like them.
My kids had a blast, too, and we saw nothing inappropriate.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-11T01:16:11+00:00

Cold drink vending machines

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-10T09:19:34+00:00

My son is a nensho (lowest class in Yochien, started in April) and developmentally, it is pretty normal for 3 and 4 year olds to hit each other over fighting for toys, etc. My own son has a 2yo sibling who scratches his face up probably *more* than the few incidents that happen at Yochien.

I don’t think this is an issue of addressing the parenting of the other parent or the behavior of the other child (assuming other child is 3 or 4, same gakunen). That all seems developmentally appropriate.

Usually these incidents only go so far as little fingernails can scratch or teeth can bite. That much is shoganai.

What is concerning is that there is a problem with supervision at the Yochien to the extent that the other children are getting ahold of objects that are dangerous to cause injury that puts your child in the hospital. Who was watching them? Why did the child have said object under little to no guidance? And most especially, why is there no incident report?

If you are going to escalate anything to the city level (complaint at city hall about the yochien, etc.) address it with the mishandling that happened at the yochien and try to avoid an unnecessary confrontation with the other parent.
It is likely that said student may be a future classmate of your child, and burning a bridge with the other parents isn’t necessary.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-09T09:18:15+00:00

Oh that’s right! I actually didn’t get to at first either because I was so busy. In the future though… I started trying it this year (kids are 2 and 3) and I’ve been handling the hot weather a bit better.
We at least put our kids in the bath every night. We keep it a cooler temperature in the summer than in the winter though.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-09T00:33:28+00:00

You do not need tricks for ‘managing’ 1 year olds. Developmentally, that isn’t appropriate. In a pinch you can sometimes use distraction. Busting out a special toy or using the TV or a snack or something, but that’s going to be problem in a group of them.

They are leaving you with too many kids to manage and that is a serious safety risk and problem. Next time they try to leave you alone speak up “I can only watch these infants and I can’t watch the 1 year olds at the same time.” Don’t worry about your pride or how you’re being judged or any of that. Expressing your limits/capacity for the safety of children is the most professional thing you can do. If they’re really in a pinch, can they at least get an office staff person or some adult to just stand in the room with you. Sometimes just the presence of another person is the most helpful distraction needed.

In terms of priority, you need to be considering actions and priorities on a safety hierarchy. Never leave an infant on a changing table or somewhere dangerous. There shouldn’t be sharp corners or objects to climb on or unsafe things in the one-year-old environment; if there is, that’s a problem.
Kids can cry if they are upset for a low-priority reason and you are busy with something higher priority. If you must choose between something like, preventing a baby from falling or doing something dangerous and changing a diaper- the diaper can wait until you have secured a safe situation for the other child. You shouldn’t even go to change the diaper (or begin something you can stop in the middle of) unless you have a guarantee that the other children you are watching won’t urgently need you during the change.
Assert yourself to the lead teacher. Things like, “I will change their diapers once you come back to the room and can watch the one-year olds” etc. Constant communication about who is in charge of which group of children at a given time.
Best of luck, sounds like they have terrible management and they need to better enforce the legal ratios.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-08T22:05:42+00:00

If you have to go out for any reason, use a sun umbrella. One handy trick is to collect those little gel ice packs (that sometimes come when you buy a cake, etc.) and put them in a handkerchief tied around your neck, and in your pockets and such. In Japan (where I live) we are used to extreme heat and people take it very seriously. One (odd) piece of advice was to soak in a hot tub at night. Not necessarily *during* a heat wave (obviously stay as cool as possible during the hot times) but making it a daily habit makes your body less likely to be shocked by extreme heat.
I was also worried about baby wearing during hot days. Actually, though, keeping baby very close, skin to skin actually helped regulate temperature by syncing to mine. I’d focus on cooling down myself and also keep baby close.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-08T14:14:46+00:00

Sometimes daycares mess up. It’s part of the busy job of looking after a lot of kids which can be unpredictable.

However, their *reaction* to it is the most telling.

My son’s daycare once messed up and sent him home in the same diaper he went in (for 6 hours never changed it). When I brought it up, they immediately notified the head of the daycare, who personally apologized to us AND also apologized to my child directly in a way that he could understand.
Every other teacher we ran into that day acknowledged us and apologized. It was an impressing owning up to the responsibility. (Turns out, there was an explanation for it as well, but my point still stands. When they mess up, they should take responsibility and if they shirk it, goodbye). You made a solid decision about ditching that daycare.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-08T13:48:00+00:00

From someone who has taught 7th-8th grade forever and is now raising a 2 and 3 year old: just block it out. It becomes easier to ignore after awhile. Give them attention if/when they make reasonable requests, and if not, they are invisible.
Once you can master this, behavior will follow like a knife easily sliding through a stick of butter.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-07T21:35:51+00:00

Unfortunately potty toys have not been successful in this house because they already have the inclination to play in the toilet (open and slam lid, etc.) and one toy almost went down the toilet once. If we do toy rewards they have to happen AFTER the toilet, part of the reward is for going without horsing around (and washing hands after). Of course I support them, but when they start to play in the toilet room everything unravels, so I’ve had to be strict about the rules when they are in the bathroom.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-07T21:31:42+00:00

I like the idea, but my 2yo will definitely not grasp that yet.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-07T00:07:29+00:00

I think this is the romanticized view from the West. Yeah, we do have kyushoku and nutrition education programs and schools so there is that. But there are also the typical salarymen subsisting off beer and combini food daily.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-06T23:59:43+00:00

Most of us have to do annual health checkups at work. You get certain ‘grades’ for each area, and generally I think people are motivated by it in the same way they would be grades. Not so much ‘shaming’ but personal health goals. If you get a lot of low grades usually you are required to consult a doctor (often connected to employer) as part of a system to keep employees healthy and fit for work.

When I was pregnant, I did think my doctor nagged me unnecessarily about how much I was gaining. Overall I never gained more than 10kg the entire pregnancy and dropped back to only 2kg heavier than pre-pregnancy almost immediately after birth.

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-06T14:27:46+00:00

On an airplane?

irishtwinsons · 2026-07-06T14:08:53+00:00

School doesn’t have a consistent policy. Their strictest policy just limits *us teachers* from using any personal school/student information in any AI system outside of what they provide (so we are stuck with what they provide).

In my writing classes, I just started doing a flipped classroom kind of model. They are allowed to do their research for an assignment outside of class as homework, and I allow them to bring materials printed out on paper during in class writing sessions. There are lots of rules about the kinds of materials that are allowed (sources must be cited and clear; nothing can be copied word-for-word into their writing during a session etc.) and they must submit any materials they use with the assignment. Devices of any sort are banned during in-class writing. I collect phones. I lug paper dictionaries and grammar books to class.

They must always hand in a handwritten draft. After that, sometimes I let them type it up and clean it up using a computer (and free reign on the internet) and I’ll just check it along side their draft up make sure it isn’t entirely different.

Other times, I have them hand it in as a final copy handwritten. I’ve even had them illustrate pictures (by hand) to go along with it sometimes, for a fully analog assignment. It’s refreshing. For them too.

irishtwinsons

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