My friend and I are in a small and usually chill café. Some guy with earphones is talking ‘business’ loudly on his phone. He sounds obnoxious enough as it is, shouting about profit margins and making sure everyone knew that he “dealt with billions every day!” to make him sound like a bigshot. 

Having had enough, my friend turns around, taps him on the shoulder, and says:

Friend: “Should we all contribute ideas, or are you the only one invited to this meeting?”

The business guy looks my friend up and down, wisely chooses not to pick a fight with an old gal who has seen some s***, and takes the call outside. He does not come back for his untouched drink.

I am a recreational runner and often join running matches. I am by no means a pro, but the atmosphere just makes me energetic and give that little bit more.

One of the matches is an annual run over dykes, ten kilometres. Many people are on the side to support the runners. At one point, you can see the finish on the other side of the water, at the eight-kilometre point.

Last year, the event collided with another town event, so there were few supporters. I was running over an empty dyke, alongside three other runners. We did not speak, but sticking together helped us keep the pace.

Suddenly:

Voice: “Come on! You can do it! Go for it!”

The runners started looking around: no one.

Runner #1: “What was that?!”

Runner #2: “Where did that come from?!”

Me: “Oh, that’s my wife.”

Runner #1: “What? I didn’t see anyone.”

Me: “She’s at the finish.”

Runner #2: “What?!”

Me: “She’s a lifeguard at a busy pool. She has quite some volume.”

We focused back on the race, but it did give us all a little boost. When I reached the finish, my cheerleader was there for me: towel, drinks, whatever I needed. I told her I heard her, and she told me:

Wife: “Yeah, so… eh… turns out I frightened some kids and the organisation wondered if I had stolen the microphone. They asked for a heads up next time.”

My wife thinks she’s not contributing or helping at all, but she is the best cheerleader I could wish for!

Back when I was younger and much dumber, I did some occasional help for a neighbour. It was only the odd thing here and there. Small things like setting up a printer or installing software. 

I never charged for anything.

Said neighbour started a business and started to rely more and more on their PC, so these little requests for help became more frequent.

Then started the “I need this urgently”, “Please come assist ASAP,” etc. No offer of money was ever made.

I was also doing a fair bit of study, working a part-time job, and had somewhat of a social life, so I wasn’t really interested in charging money and any of the responsibilities and risks that come with it.

I did tell the neighbour that I would help as much as I could. If they rely on their computer for their business, it might be worthwhile getting a paid IT person. Their attitude was basically why would I pay someone when you do it for free?

Anyway, one day something breaks on a Monday or Tuesday, and I mentioned I couldn’t take a look until the weekend (due to study, work, etc) 

They said that won’t do, they really need me to take a look and if I could rearrange a few things so I could take a look “today or tomorrow”. I say I can’t.

They mention that this isn’t good enough, they rely on their computer, and I need to fix it ASAP. At this point, I’ve pretty much had enough.

Me: “I’m sorry my services haven’t met your needs. I will give you a full refund for my services so far.”

Neighbour: “Umm, I don’t think I’ve actually paid you anything, have I?”

Me: “No, therefore the refund is complete.”

I think they got the hint.

I’m walking home from a local store. As I walk up my driveway, my neighbor calls to me:

Neighbor: “Your cat keeps sitting on my car!”

Me: “Lucky! He never sits on my lap! I’ve been trying for years!”

Neighbor: *Blinks.* “Oh… uh… well, okay then.”

I didn’t mean to disarm him so quickly, but I was happily surprised it worked so fast! I did make an attempt to keep my cat either in the house or the back yard instead.

Our plane has landed, and within a split second of the lights indicating we can take off our seatbelts, one passenger stands up instantly, grabs his bag, and pushes past people up the middle aisle.

If this guy had a connecting flight, then I might understand running late, but this is Walla Walla airport in rural Washington state. There’s a flight in and out from Seattle, that’s it. In fact, the air steward made a joke about this when landing, saying, “Welcome to Walla Walla regional airport; if you have a connecting flight, you’re in the wrong airport.”

So, this guy pushing past people to get ahead is likely just being a jerk. He pushes past three older ladies:

Passenger #1: “Smart. You’ll reach the exit a full twelve seconds earlier.”

Passenger #2: “Careful not to sprint too fast. You might catch the plane before it leaves.”

Passenger #3: “By all means, stand there hunched over my seat for ten minutes. That’ll show the airline!”

I don’t know his business or why he was in such a rush, but I did appreciate the ladies’ retorts!